Okay. Cider's on the coffee table. Coffee's brewing in the kitchen. Soapbox is in front of the television. Y'all ready? Let's roll.
Previously: Justin had no memory of the attack, Chris Hobbes got a slap on the wrist for bashing Justin's head in with a baseball bat; Mike confessed to Ted and Emmett that he and The Evil One broke up; Lindsay asked Melanie to marry her, and Jennifer told Brian not to see Justin again. Seriously -- is she kidding me with this?
Hot! Dancing! Gay! Boys! Ageless. Timeless. Faceless. Mostly Naked.
Justin dashes across the street to Brian's loft. He hops up the stairs and knocks on the door, calling Brian's name. The door opens, but Chris Hobbes is on the other side. Before Justin can react, Hobbes grabs him and pulls him into the loft. Justin screams...and wakes up in his own bed. Jennifer runs in, reassuring him that's it just a dream. She touches his shoulder and Justin shoves her off, yelling at her to not touch him.
Babylon! The go-go dancers? Wearing black leather chaps and nothing else. Everyone else? Shirtless, doing the electric slide. Or whatever it's called these days. The Boys, minus Michael, survey the action from the stairs. Emmett stares at a go-go dancer and groans, "God, I want his ass." Ted: "Who doesn't?" Emmett clarifies that he actually wants an ass like that, because his is "looking a little peaked." Brian snarks, "Yeah, well, maybe it needs a rest." Look who's talking. Oh, except Brian's a big, brutal top, right? I don't care. Shut up anyway. Emmett thinks he needs a butt lift. Peter Paige needs better storylines. Ted, barely paying attention -- and really, who could blame him? -- says that Emmett's too young for plastic surgery. Emmett sighs, "This life can wear you out by the time you're thirty. Right, Brian?" Burn! About time someone scored one off Brian. And that won't even be the last time this episode, either. Emmett blabbers something about striving for perfection or whatever, but Ted reminds him that it's very expensive surgery. Emmett asks whether Ted's had work done, and Brian snorts, "Because if you had, I'd sue." Of course Ted hasn't had plastic surgery; he's an accountant, remember? "Butt work costs big bucks," Ted tells Emmett, who, as we all know, is broke. Brian lames, "Well, maybe you can trade in that old tired ass for a new one." Too bad CowLip won't do that with the intern that writes your lines. Next.
Mike trots up and announces that he just got "the most amazing fucking blowjob." He shoves a vial up his nose and asks The Boys if they want a "bump." I have no idea what that is, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Someone on the boards will eagerly explain it later, I'm sure. Ted and Emmett decline. Mike's all, what's up with you? T&E are bored already, bored, bored, bored, plus they both have to work in the morning. Mike's all, c'mon, guys! It's early! Par-tay! Woohoo! They're like, yeah. Later. Mike's pretty sure Brian wants to stay and party, right? Brian snorts, "You've been partying ever since you got back." Could this excessive behavior be a clue to some deeper-seated issue? Is it possible that QAF is using the same plot device two episodes in a row? Instead of calling Brian on his hypocrisy, Mike replies that he's single: "I can stay up all night and fuck my brains out, like you." Brian snickers at the very idea. Mike asks Brian to dance. Brian says he doesn't want to. Mike pouts, "You always like dancing with Justin." Ah, Jealousy rears its ugly little head. Brian can't believe Mike just said that, and he gets up and walks away without saying another word.