Debbie's house. Debbie's trying to sneak down the stairs -- wig firmly in place -- determined to go to work. Vic jumps out, blocks the door, and tells her to get back upstairs. Debbie yells at him to move: "If I have to watch Martha Stewart make another goddamn thing out of goat cheese, I'm gonna kill myself!" I find Martha Stewart fascinating, like a car wreck. And her unauthorized biography, Just Desserts, is a hoot. Big Camper Thumbs Up. Cruella DeVil lives, y'all; she just dyed her hair. ["Dude, don't slag Martha, okay? She rules." -- Wing Chun] Vic informs Debbie that AMC is having a Joan Crawford festival all week. Debbie snorts, "No one's that gay." The GM/SGWC's Gay Man Contingent goes 50/50 on that one. They start debating the merits of a Madonna film festival versus a Joan Crawford one, when Debbie sidesteps Vic and runs to the door. Vic tries to pull her back. Mike walks in, all casual. The Straight Girl Contingent gets into the discussion -- if it was just Evita over and over for a whole week, at least then we could all drool over Che together. I'm about to snort that no one's that attracted to Antonio Banderas, but I realize that I am, actually. Debbie asks Mike what he's doing there, and Mike tells her that Vic called him over to help keep her at home: "He wanted me to bring some rope and help tie you down." Okay, but use it wisely -- you only have just enough to hang yourself with! Debbie gives up and offers Mike some eggs: "I've got to do something with my hands." Mike tells her that he's up for a promotion, and even if he doesn't get it, he's going to be making some "changes." Vic, worried: "You're not going straight, are you?" Vic has good instincts. Mike ignores him, and tells Debbie that he knows how hard she works, and he never does anything to help. Debbie protests that that's not true, but Mike tells her to stay home and try to get some rest. And in case you're wondering, we decided to show The Mask of Zorro at the next GM/SGWC meeting. You're invited, but you have to bring the popcorn.
Meanwhile, Brian, Lindsay, and Gus pick out Brian's new wheels. Brian stops and takes a look at a Jeep, and Lindsay -- grinning as the baby coos away -- purrs, "Gus approves." Brian looks through the windows, and gets the Look of Mutual Homosexuality from two other guys checking out another car next to theirs. "Yeah," Brian replies, "they're not bad." Lindsay meant the car, of course, and can't resist adding, "I bet Justin will like it too, driving around with his Sugar Daddy." I'm still not comfortable with their joking about this. At best, he's living with Brian. At worst, he has NO PLACE ELSE TO GO. This isn't funny. Brian tells Lindsay that he's not Justin's sugar daddy, because it isn't funny, people. A salesman saunters up and compliments Gus, saying that he looks just like the two of them. Lindsay snarks, "So do our five others." She tells Brian that she's going to go change the baby, and they kiss before she leaves. But I'm confused -- did Brian bring her there as a beard to maybe haggle a better price, or did Lindsay come along just 'cause, and they're working it for fun? My bet's on the latter, but you be the judge. The salesman notices that Brian had his eye on the Jeep, and they both jump in for a closer inspection. Once they're in, however, the salesman tells Brian that he doesn't really want this one: "Fags drive it. I don't know what it is, but they're attracted to it like flies" Um, excuse me?! Isn't he afraid of offending his customers? He'd be ordering a prescription of Viagra and a cane by the time I got through with him. Ick. The salesman tries to direct Brian to a four-door sedan, while Brian gets over his shock just enough to shake his head in disbelief. Brian finally thanks him sweetly for the warning, but asks him whether he may take the Jeep out for a test-drive anyway: "And then I'll try one of the straighter models." The salesman says sure, and climbs out of the car.