Bowling. Who the fuck knows what day it is. How's Ben? Guess he's fine. Emmett just bowled, but he's no Liberty Ball. For real, they tell him he bowled in the wrong lane. How is that still a bowling joke? Michael tells Debbie that this bowling tournament is the worst idea she's ever had. Well, after having sex with a drag queen and then lying to her illegitimate son about it for thirty years. She says she couldn't let the cops get away with making fun of gay bowlers. "We do," Brian-the-ever-present says. By the way, this is the biggest collection of ugly shirts I've ever seen. Lindsay eats from a bag of Lays (GET IT!?!? LAYS!!!) and says they just need more practice. "Practice makes perfect," Vic says. Brian gets a strike, causing Justin to note that Brian is already perfect. "Glad you think so," Michael snits. Emmett says that after a bit more practice, he'll be perfect, too. Ben tells him to work on his follow-through. Lindsay bowls a strike. Ben tells Emmett that the ball goes where his hand goes. Zen bullshit and blah, blah, blah. Ben gets a strike. Debbie tells Ben that he's on the team. She kicks Emmett right off. Emmett isn't very happy about that. Michael puts on that preachy voice and says, "He just got out of the hospital!" Michael thinks it's way too soon for Ben to do something as strenuous as lower a ball to the floor and roll it in a straight line. Get back to bed, Ben! You're going to hurt yourself from all that repetitive breathing! I guess Michael's not letting Ben have sex, either. That shit ain't right. I think Brian's wearing shoulder pads as he says, "You hear that, Professor? No more heavy butt action!" Debbie says it's her job to be the mother hen. Michael: "He's not bowling, and that's final." Emmett sasses that he's on the team no matter what Debbie wants. Debbie makes a bemused sigh of resignation that normally goes along with the noise, "Wee-waa-waa-waaaaaahhhhhh!" Hey! Girl behind Debbie? We don't wear those kinds of ponytails anymore. You look like an actual pony. Lower that shit down a notch before you end up a cheerleader.
Outside the bowling alley. I smell a rumble! The cops walk up. Debbie asks if Horvath is checking out the competition. Horvath makes some creepy comment about liking what he's checking out. Then he says hello to Vic to let us know he's down with the gays. Then why the competition? Michael cautiously watches his mother flirt with Horvath. Debbie says she can't really kiss Horvath since Michael's around. Horvath asks if they can go out for a drink. Debbie says she has to hang with her friends because they're strategizing for the game. Horvath says he won't keep her any longer, considering what an expert she is in games. "Pardon?" she asks. Horvath is tired of Debbie rejecting his advances over and over again. "Forget it," he says. He says he knows how to read people, and she's coming through loud and clear. "Well, I wish you were," she says. Horvath says she keeps shooting him down. He says if it wasn't this, she'd be stuffing envelopes for P-FLAG or marching for gay rights or some other distraction that would keep her from getting real and really getting close to Horvath. "That's bullshit," Debbie says. "You don't even know me." "Who do we have to thank for that?" he asks her. He walks away. Aw. Stranded at the bowling alley. Branded a fool. What will they say Monday at school?