Chemical Brothers plays as we see Brian's shell bracelet. An arm lifts a bottle of Evian in slow motion. But what's this? It's not Brian; it's Ted, dressed as Brian. You can tell before we see his face by the oiled-down spiderleg chest hair. He takes a sip of water and spills the rest over his head. He shakes his head vigorously in slow motion. He does a popper. He walks over to the bed, where there's a man orgy going on. He climbs onto the bed and stands as the group of men start pulling off his clothes, sucking his body and going to town on him. Blue light special. Asses and arms. Heads and thighs.
"It was incredible," Ted tells Brian, presumably the next day. "Boys behaved themselves?" Brian asks. "Misbehaved, is more like it," Ted says. Ted then keeps up this sycophantic stuff, talking about how awesome it was to be Brian, and how he just wants two of whatever it is that Brian's ordering. They're in Emmett's clothing shop, for some reason. Like Brian would buy clothes there. Ted gives Brian back his bracelet. Brian tells Ted to keep it quiet. Emmett watches. Brian leaves. Emmett asks Ted what's going on. Ted doesn't want to tell Emmett. "Since when do we keep secrets?" Emmett asks. Ted confesses that he borrowed it briefly: "Along with [Brian's] life." He says he wanted to know what it was like to be Brian. "Dish!" Emmett says.
The water bottle lifts again. This time when Ted drops it over his face he sputters and chokes. The popper burns his nose. He can't really get in on the orgy. He stammers and slides around. "You guys are slippery," he says. And that, ladies and gents, is the first real, honest laugh I've had for weeks with this show.
Ted tells Emmett that it was cold and meaningless. Emmett says, "Wow, you really were Brian." Ted says that was his all-time fantasy, and now that it's gone, he's got nothing left. I have been recapping this show forever. Emmett gives Ted a shirt to put on. He says that dreams wear thin after a while, and you need something more. Ted says he was hoping to find that with Gay Jesus. Em points out that Gay Jesus couldn't accept Ted for who he is. Em says that Ted will find it: "Love comes at the strangest time in the strangest ways." They stare at each other until WE GET IT, OKAY? Em puts his arm around Ted and tells him that he's handsome. They stare at each other FOREVER. WE. GET. IT.
Leda shows Lindsay and Mel the finished studio. They love it. It's perfect. Mel marvels at how the skylight lets in light from the sky. They're like, "Hey, thanks! Buh-bye!" Leda pours some wine and declares a toast: "To making art. To making your friends happy. And to making love." Lindsay and Mel barely toast. Leda's all, "Now let's christen these floors!" Mel tells Leda it's time to leave. Lindsay says she hates to see Leda go. Leda says she was thinking about turning their garage into guest quarters or a room for special friends to rent. Lindsay stops her before she starts going down on them again. She tells Leda that what happened was a one-time thing, and something they don't want to continue. Mel thanks Leda for everything: "We've really loved having you here." Leda is pissed off. "I, uh, understand," she says. Mel sighs and says that's a relief. Leda says, "First I renovate your attic and then I renovate your sex life. And then it's 'So long, Leda'?" Lindsay drinks her wine in one sip. Mel says that's not what they meant. "That's how it sounded," Leda says. She puts down her glass and marches off in the wrong direction.