Helen Shaver's back. I'm not sure that I approve of this co-host recycling program. Not that anyone asked me, or anything. I mean, if you're going to do it, just bring Harvey Fierstein on permanently and let it go. The intros still suck, by the way. Still. Forever. Watch the show beforehand, guys, okay? Thank you.
Michael and David play in the snow, to the title song from the French movie, Un Homme et un Femme, which came out in 1966. There's some fancy screen within-screen editing, also '60s style, as Michael and David throw snowballs at each other, build a snowman with a carrot penis (sigh), and wrestle in the snow. Happy, happy. They decide to buy pretzels, and Mike tries to pay for them, but David won't let him.
Afterwards, Michael and David have lunch at a nice corner café. They're having a great time -- talking, laughing. The bill comes. Michael tries to pay it. David pats his hand condescendingly, and pulls out a crisp hundred-dollar bill to take care of it.
At the gourmet grocery store, Michael and David load up a basket and head to the register. Michael tries to pay for the food, but David shoves Mike's wallet away again and says he's got it, pulling out the platinum card. Michael lets the slightest hint of a scowl show, but David's too busy hugging him and petting him like a goddamn puppy to notice.
Michael and David take a cab to Liberty Avenue. Mike tries to pay for the cab, but David tsks, "No, no, Michael," and pushes him away so that he can hand the cabbie the fare. Mike rolls his eyes in frustration.
Montage of the past few scenes, cut up like the Brady Bunch squares: David paying, David paying, David paying, with Michael in the middle square, none too pleased.
Michael and David are at a nice restaurant. David and asks if Mike wants anything else. Mike answers, "Yeah." David grins, "Good boy. Chocolate Death. Two forks." Good...boy? Mike tells the waiter that he doesn't want dessert. David amends the order to one fork. The waiter heads off. Mike tells David that he wants him to stop paying for everything. David claims not to know what he's talking about. Yeah, right. Mike snorts, "Getting the check, buying the movie tickets, buying the groceries?" David shrugs, "So?" Mike says that he works, and that David doesn't have to support him. David: "I can afford it, you can't. What's the big deal?" Ahhh, verbal castration. My favorite. Actually, it is, but I generally try to restrict it to assholes in bars these days, and leave people I love alone. Michael says that it's a big deal to him. David, using his best pre-school teacher voice, says that he likes to take Mike to nice places. Mike says that he likes going, he just doesn't want David paying all the time. David gazes at him fondly, pauses, and tries another tactic: "You pay when you can, don't you?" You mean when you let him, right? Mike says that he does, and, remembering, he pulls out a check for his part of the house expenses and hands it to David. David thanks him and, waving the check, replies, "See? I'm taking your money." Mike asks him if he's sure $300 a month is half of everything. David doesn't respond. Mike pushes, "The cleaning lady, the utilities?" David interrupts Michael to greet the waiter bearing chocolate cake. Mike rolls his eyes, simmering. David asks if Mike wants a bite. Mike, stewing, shakes his head no.