Liberty Diner. Mike's just told Ted and Emmett about the trip to Paris. Emmett says that Mike's the luckiest boy in the world: "I love Paris." Ted reminds Emmett that he's never been to Paris. Emmett: "I'll love it when I get there." Ted asks Mike when they're going, Mike says that they're not, because he can't afford to pay his part of the trip. Emmett says that David has the money for it, but Mike won't let him pay his way. Emmett asks Mike if he's completely mad. Mike says that he and David have an arrangement: "We're only doing things that we can both afford." Ted: "Au revoir Paris, bonjour Pittsburgh." Mike says that maybe he won't be able to go to Paris, but, as Emmett snorts, "You'll have your pride?" Ted: "Just what everyone is wearing in Paris this year." Like Ted would know anything about pride. Mike says that David pays for everything, all the time. Emmett: "Where do I sign up?" Where do I even start? Mike says that it's not right. Ted replies that if David wants to do it, go ahead and let him do it. Mike says that that's what David says: "That it makes him happy." Emmett: "Then stop being so goddamn selfish...I think it's selfish to deny your lover pleasure." Ted adds, "Listen, Michael, money is my business. I've seen it destroy more relationships than sex, okay? You think you're being fair to David with this false pride of yours, but it'll only cause frustration and resentment, and frankly, you're denying yourself the opportunity to go places that you could never go. That you could never do." "False pride"? What if it makes Mike happy to pay every once in a while? Who gets their way, then? Emmett: "It's like Barbra said so eloquently in Hello Dolly -- even though she was years too young for the part -- [in his best Streisand voice, complete with temple rubs] 'Money is like manure. It doesn't do any good unless you spread it around, encouraging things to grow.' You know what I mean?" Turning to Ted, he exclaims, "Kiss me, Horace!" Ted chuckles.
St. James. Justin and Daphne stand in the hallway between classes, trying to pass out flyers for the Gay/Straight Student Alliance. No one's really interested, until Justin asks whether they want condoms. Heck, yeah, they want condoms. Daphne gushes that Brian really knows what he's talking about. Justin: "Yeah, he's brilliant." Daphne: "And hot." Oops! Here's Chris Hobbes. He grabs a handful of condoms and dribbles them on to the ground: "Hey, Taylor, are you starting some faggot club?" Sure thing. You're looking to sign up, right, Chris? Justin glares at him and tells him about the Alliance. Daphne sneers, "To promote tolerance and understanding?" Chris: "So, now butt-fucking is an extra-curricular activity?" Justin: "No. Just handjobs." Word. Chris grabs Justin by the lapels and slams him against the wall. Flashback to the handjob in the locker room earlier this season. Chris certainly looks like he's enjoying himself. Back in the present, Chris snarls, "Don't you ever mention that again, you little cocksucker." And angrily stomps down the hallway.