David's bedroom. Mike's in bed, reading a brochure about Paris. David walks in, and says that he's really looking forward to taking some time off. Mike hurriedly hides the brochure under his pillow. David turns off the light and rolls over to go to sleep, while Mike stays sitting up in bed. Mike asks David if he thinks Mike is selfish: "I mean, about not taking you up on your generosity by not going on this trip." David: "Michael, I already told you. All I want to do is make you happy." Mike, looking both ways down the path of least resistance before crossing to the middle: "Yeah, but what would make you happy?" David: "Seeing you see Paris for the first time. Sailing down the Seine on a Baton-mouche, having the best meal of our lives at Le Grand Revour, or Alain Ducasse. Seeing your eyes light up when you find some little toy at a flea market, that would make me happy. That would make me very happy." Mike says that he wants David to be happy. David smiles, because he wants David to be happy, too: "Are you saying you want to go?" Mike, ripping out his balls with one hand while stroking David's shoulder with another, grins, "Well, since you already made the plans...just promise me you'll let me pay for something every once in a while." What am I saying, "ripping out"? He's probably just checking to make sure they're still gone. David, because he's a condescending bastard, tells him that he'll let Mike pay for the baguettes: "So, what do you say we practice our French?" And they start making out. Aww. How icky.
Happy Fun House. Lindsay and Guillaume sift through different pictures of themselves with Gus, trying to find just the best one. Guillaume thinks they should put one of them in a frame, and picks one off the table behind the couch, which already has a picture of Brian feeding the baby in it. Okay, that's a little pushy. Guillaume says that Brian is very beautiful. Lindsay replies that lots of guys think so. Lots and lots of guys. And lots. Guillaume: "Especially his lips. Quite kissable, yes?" Lindsay, taking the frame away, "No!" Ha! Guillaume tells her not to worry; he already knows that Brian doesn't like him, nor do any of her other friends. St. L. says that it isn't him, it's what they're doing. But I think it's partly him. St. L. says that it's not their decision, though. Guillaume says that she's a wonderful person for helping him stay in the country. St. L. smiles beatifically. The doorbell rings, and Guillaume gets up to answer it. It's TLFKAM. Think she's going to tell Lindsay how she feels? Guillaume leaves them alone to go check on Gus. TLFKAM concedes that Guillaume must be okay if Gus likes him, and then asks what's up with the pictures. Lindsay tells her that it's important to create a history if they're going to try and fool the INS. TLFKAM says that she can't believe that Lindsay's going through with this "charade! And for who, someone you don't even know?" Lindsay reminds her that he's a friend, and TLFKAM replies, "I don't care who he is, it's the most meshuggeneh idea I've ever heard of. I guarantee if I'd been here..." Lindsay reminds her that she isn't. She left, remember? TLFKAM says that she wishes she were still there. Lindsay pouts that TLFKAM's just saying that because of Guillaume. TLFKAM starts giggling, "No, I'm not. I miss you every minute of every day. And if I could miss you more than that, I would." Lindsay: "You think I don't miss you?" See? TLKAM shakes her head: "Then why aren't I here? Why aren't we raising our son together? It doesn't make sense." Lindsay replies that it did at the time: "All those things you said. That I didn't give you enough affection, that I was only concerned about getting my own needs met." TLFKAM says that she was wrong: "I was jealous and resentful. I demanded way too much." Lindsay says that TLFKAM was hurt. TLFKAM: "So were you." Lindsay sighs, "Well, I guess we're only..." "Wuman?" quips TLFKAM, and the two women laugh. Guillaume appears, asking Lindsay if she wants to give "Gus" his lunch, or whether he should. Lindsay says that she'll do it, and stands up, leaving TLFKAM and Guillaume contemplating each other silently.