...and carries over the next day in a snowy cemetery, as Jack Kinney -- Husband, Father, and regular son of a bitch -- is laid to rest. The Boys are there, plus Brian's Lesbians. Debbie's not, which is odd. Neither is The Demon, but I'm not complaining. Brian stands with his family. His sister sobs loudly while The Ice Queen looks annoyed. Finally Brian can't stand it any more and, clenching his jaw, walks away from the mourners. Mike follows him. Brian, with a pained expression on his face, hands Mike his umbrella and pulls out a handkerchief. Mike rubs Brian's back in comfort as Brian opens up the handkerchief and pulls out...a joint. He puts the slightly bent joint in his mouth, lights it, and offers Mike a hit. Ha!
The House that Dysfunction Built. Claire wanders around, inconsolable, picking up plates and sniffling. The Ice Queen pulls her aside and tells her to pull herself together. Claire snaps, "Daddy just died, Mother! I am allowed to fall apart." The Ice Queen shrugs, "Fine. Fall apart." The Princess of Pain shuffles onward, offering sandwiches to other mourners and trying not to cry.
The Boys and Brian's Lesbians are a little ways off. Emmett asks whether they may leave, because they've been there, like, forever. Melanie Marcus tells him to keep it down. Mike says that they have to stay for Brian. Brian's Lesbians marvel that Brian hasn't said a word or cried this whole time. Mike points out that Claire, who's broken down again right behind them, is making up for it. The Princess of Pain sobs on her way to offering more people more sandwiches. The Ice Queen rolls her eyes. The Drama Empress scowls on the couch, holding his father's bowling bag. His nephews come up and ask him what's in it. Brian: "Grandpa's head. Wanna see it?" The boys run off screaming. Brian settles back and pulls the bowling ball out, cradling it like a baby. His baby, dammit.
Across the room, St. L. says that she and Melanie Marcus have to go and pick up Gus. Ted says that he has to go, too, because he has someone staying with him. Emmett's like, you do? And then realizes that he's talking about Blake. The Princess of Pain shuffles back -- and man, does she look washed out -- and says she thought it would be nice if they all shared a good memory of Jack. She asks the priest to go first, but the priest didn't know him very well. Claire asks whether anyone else wants to go. The Ice Queen's not about to, and neither is anyone else. In the face of the overwhelming silence, Lindsay decides to give it a shot: one day, when she and Brian were in college, Jack told her that she smelled nice. And then gave her a mint. Yep. That's it. Brian's about to start snickering. The Ice Queen, who appears to be wearing a housedress of some kind, is beginning to get embarrassed. Mike pipes up with a childhood tale: once, Pop Kinney took him and Brian bowling. Neither Mike nor Brian could bowl very well. They threw gutter after gutter ball. And then, all of a sudden, Brian threw a strike. And Mike and Brian were jumping up and down, and so excited that they didn't realize that Jack had come back from the bar (!) and had seen the whole thing. And Jack ran over and hugged Brian, and kissed him, and told him how proud he was of him, and does this sound like bullshit to anyone else? Because it sure sounds like it to me. Everyone seems impressed by this story, possibly because it doesn't sound at all like the irritable codger they've all grown to know and tolerate. Brian smiles at Mike dangerously. Claire thanks Michael for that nice piece of fiction, and cries some more. The Ice Queen says that it was a lovely story -- emphasis on "story" -- and downs her drink. Brian says that it makes him want to share one of his own: the night Ma Kinney told Pa Kinney that she was pregnant with Brian, "he told her to put on her most beautiful dress, took her to the most expensive restaurant in town, and then -- get this -- leaned over and said, 'Joanie, you're getting yourself an abortion. Because I don't want another fuckin' kid.'" The Ice Queen doesn't look any more irritated than she did before. Brian asks, "Claire, was there anything you wanted to share?" The Princess of Pain sniffles some more, glares around at everyone, and shuffles off.