Many thanks to Demian for covering the recaplet when I was out of town, and giving me permission to use the good Doctor's lovely new moniker. Demian, you rock, you roll. If you ever need a favor, it shall be done.
David's. The gang's all there: Brian, Justin, Debbie, Ted, Emmett, TLFKAM, Lindsay, and Gus. That's Gus, not "Gus." Woo hoo! Now, if Daphne shows up, and no one says anything incredibly lame or does something unimaginably stupid, this might just be a perfect episode. So, you know, me and my snowball once again storm the gates of Hell. Anyway, they're all gathered together to watch slides of Mike's and David's trip to Paris. Mike narrates in the snootiest voice known to mankind. On and on about the Seine, and the Arc de Triomphe, the Sacré-Coeur, and on and on. Ted's asleep. Emmett's about to join him. Brian and Justin are making out. TLFKAM and Lindsay are trying not to look at each other and failing miserably. Debbie, of course, is the only one paying attention. As a matter of fact, she reprimands Brian and Justin for distracting her. Mike snaps at her not to interrupt, and she says that she hates it when couples make out at the movies. Ha. Ha. Ha. Brian protests that it's French: "We're frenching." My snowball starts whimpering pitifully. Mike finally finishes with a slide of himself and Dr. Demon (tm Demian, and I'm still beating myself for not thinking that one up. Needless to say, I'm going to run that puppy into the ground) in front of the Arc de Triomphe, David hugging Mike from behind in a fair imitation of the Heimlich maneuver. The last slide is of the word "fin," which, as Mike informs everyone, means, "The End." Emmett sighs, "Bon. That means 'good.'" Snicker. David rubs Ted on the head, waking him up, and says that he hopes the slides weren't too bad. Ted replies, "No, I haven't been that entertained since Gandhi." Debbie gushes that it looked like "the trip of a lifetime." Brian mutters that it only seemed that long. Mike sighs, "The thing you need to know about Paris is not dining at Louis-Carton or shopping at the Rue de Suplice. It's the little things, like sharing a baguette while strolling sur la Seine." Debbie asks what that is, and Mike snaps that it's the Seine. Oh, yeah, someone needs to get bitch-slapped. Justin explains, sweetly, that the Seine is a river. Debbie sweetly thanks him for the explanation. Mike rolls his eyes at them both. Demon's holding Gus. Lindsay doesn't realize he's evil, I guess. But she's not that bright. Mike asks whether anyone would like some vin rouge. Grrr. Ted: "Lucy, you wouldn't know the difference between vin rouge and Listerine." Grrr. Emmett says that the only thing he wants to know is whether they met Catherine Deneuve, because that's likely. Mike sighs that, no, they did not, but they did hang out with a lovely couple -- Brian asks, "Let me guess: Louis and Marie." Close: Jean-Pierre and Yvette. Who cares? Nobody cares. No one. This is why I never tortured anyone with my pictures from Italy, because no one cares about your trip, unless they've actually been there. And even then they don't care. Eyes glaze over when I even start talking about Italy, and I have some damn good stories, too. No. One. Cares. I was going to mention my trip to California, but you don't care, so I'll just sum up: it was warm, I rented a Jeep, I bought entirely too many tight shirts and strappy sandals. Thank you for listening. Back to our story. So, Mike drawls that Yvette and Jean-Pierre had, "the most fabulous Maison in the 16th." Gag. That's 16th Arrondiseement, by the way. And I only know this because I read too much Judith Krantz as a post-adolescent. Mike only knows because David told him what it was. I win, because at least I had to read to find out. God. And my snowball's all melted. Sniff! Emmett looks like he's about to hand Michael a ladder so he can get over himself. Mike tells them all to try the brie. Debbie gags, "It tastes like cum!" Well. Brie used to be one of my favorite cheeses. Thanks. Ever. So.