Moving On. Later, Justin wakes up at Brian's in the middle of the night. Brian's not in bed, but Justin can hear the clink of glass against decanter in the living room. He gets up, and finds Brian staring at a picture of himself and Gus. Justin says that he loves that picture. Brian puts it down, snorting, "Yeah. Dada and sonny-boy." Brian, drunk off his ass, sighs, "All right, so I'm a shitty father. Are we surprised? I'm upholding a fine family tradition." Justin replies that Brian's not a shitty father -- and he's not -- and it's obvious that he loves Gus. Brian says he was kind of surprised that he does love the baby so much: "It's strange." Justin: "That there's someone else you care about besides yourself?" He tries to grab for the glass of vodka (?) but Brian pushes him away: "It's bad enough that you smoke at your age." Justin snorts, "At my age? Brian, I'm the most mature person you know." True, so true. Justin continues, "Do you think Gus is going to speak French before he speaks English? I mean, Lindsay can't raise him on her own. As much as you love him, you're never going to be a full-time parent." Brian: "You know, if I wanted the news, I'd watch CNN." What? Justin sighs, "You know, you can't control everyone's life, even though you'd like to." Brian snorts, "Obviously. You're still here." Justin nods, and replies, "Being mean to me has never really worked. You should try another tactic." Ha! Justin starts kissing Brian's neck, and as much as Brian would like to push him away, he just can't do it. Brian asks what he's doing, and Justin whispers, "I'm killing you with kindness. It's proved to be a highly effective technique for achieving one's goals." Justin gets up and goes back to bed, leaving Brian moping on the couch.
The Happy Fun House. Lindsay and Guillaume are getting ready to go. Lindsay searches for her keys. Guillaume snaps at her to hurry up; they have an appointment in twenty minutes. The doorbell rings. Guillaume looks outside and swears. He tells Lindsay that she has to get rid of "them" or else they'll be late. Lindsay says she'll take care of it, and opens the door. Brian barges in, with TLFKAM apologizing behind him. TLFKAM tells St. L. that she didn't know Brian was bringing her over there, but he told TLFKAM that Lindsay had an accident. Lindsay's like, what the hell? Brian stands dramatically in the middle of the living room and cuts them both off: "It was the only way." Guillaume testily asks whether they can do this another time, since he and Lindsay are late for their appointment to get a marriage license. ["I don't think you need an appointment to get a license. At least, in California all you had to do was walk up to a window at the County Recorder's office and pay, like, ten bucks." -- Wing Chun] Brian says that it won't take but a minute. Guillaume tries to force it, but Brian tells him to sit down and shut up. Brian asks Lindsay and TLFKAM to sit as well. Brian: "Now, I don't want to hear any more shit about 'This is my fault,' 'No, this is my fault,' 'I'm to blame,' 'No, I'm to blame,' 'I'm sorry,' 'No, I'm sorry.'" TLFKAM interrupts to say that it really was her fault. Lindsay says that it was her fault. They start talking over each other until Brian tells them to shut the hell up. He waves a rolled-up document and adds, "This is the only thing that matters." He throws it on the coffee table. Lindsay asks what it is, and Brian tells TLFKAM, "It's my parental rights. I've signed them over to you." TLFKAM's in shock. Lindsay asks Brian whether he's sure, and then asks why. Brian: "Well, my son deserves two parents who will be there for him and love him. And who love each other. So, the only way this deal works if the two of you get back together." TLFKAM, looking the gift horse in the mouth, asks whether this is some kind of bribe. Does it matter? Brian: "You could look at it that way. Or you could think of it as a very generous gift. But if you don't want it --" He picks the document up off the coffee table. St. L. asks TLFKAM whether she still loves her. TLFKAM replies that she never stopped. They grin, they kiss, and that's how Melanie got her name back. Well, actually, Brian asks for an answer, TLFKAM say yes, Guillaume grimaces in an easy chair and then leaves forever when Lindsay tells him she can't go through with the fake gay marriage, and that's how Melanie gets her name back. I always keep my promises.
Debbie's. Senator Baxter is hanging out with The Boys Plus Debbie, and compliments her on the food. Debbie's ecstatic, but says that she's sorry that the food isn't as fancy as Demon had at the fundraiser. Ted snarks, "Well, man and Senators cannot live by fancy caviar things alone." Baxter says that she's sorry Mini-D couldn't make it. Debbie demurs that her learning-impaired son probably had other plans. Ted: "Yeah, like dinner with Bobo." Emmett: "And Melisande." Brian: "Well, fuck him." On Debbie's look, Brian adds, "Sorry, Senator." Baxter chuckles, "It's okay. I've used that word myself. Usually followed by 'Bush.'" Ugh. Don't remind me. The Senator makes a toast, first to Debbie, and then, "To little victories." The principal agreed to take Justin's request to the school board. Yay! Justin thanks her. Mini-D walks in, in the guise of Michael Novotny. Right down to the beat-up jacket and Charlie Brown shirt. They all stare at him, until Debbie finally invites him to have a seat. Mini-D says that he can't stay and Vic snorts, "You can't, or you don't want to?" Mini-D looks all small and ashamed of himself. Debbie asks him whether he's eaten. He hasn't. She tells him to pull up a chair, and asks Justin to get Mike a bowl of pasta. Debbie, shaking her head, sniffles, "You little asshole." She and Mike hug and kiss and try not to cry.