Queer as Folk U.S.
Hypocrisy: Don't Do It

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Camper: B | Grade It Now!
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Gay As Blazes? Hard As Anvils.

Happy Fun House. Extra Happy and Fun, because Mel and L. are having sex on the couch, with the help of a large black vibrator. Melanie's on top, to the surprise of no one. Lindsay, in between groaning with pleasure, asks if they're going to have sex this good after they're married. Melanie, in between groaning with pleasure, says that's why they have to get in all the good sex now. That will be the only mention of the wedding this week, for which I am eternally grateful. There's orgasming, there's sweat and nipples and embarassed recappers and naked lesbiancakes. Don't make me go into details. I...can't. The doorbell rings. Melanie and Lindsay scramble to get their clothes on. Good thing bras aren't popular this season. Who the heck drops by these days without calling first, anyway? Melanie tosses the vibrator to Lindsay before she opens the door. Off-camera, we hear Melanie greet Tannis and Phillip. Lindsay tosses the vibrator under the couch cushions. Where no one will find it.

Tannis -- a tall, rather washed-out and messy-haired woman -- storms in, announcing that they have to talk about the award ceremony. Lindsay, who's looking a bit disheveled herself, is like, hey, what a surprise! Sit down and take a load off! Pay no attention to the heavily breathing women! Tannis is followed by Phillip -- who's gay, obviously, but that's about the most interesting thing I can think of to say about him. Tannis snaps her fingers, and Phillip hands her the newspaper. She asks Melanie if they've read it. Phillip gasps that if they give Brian the award, all their sponsors will pull out. Phillip pauses to ask if they hear a buzzing sound. Sigh. Lindsay blames it on the baby monitor. Tannis is pretty sure she's sitting on something that's buzzing, though. She reaches under the cushions and pulls out the vibrator. High comedy ensues as she skeeves out and tosses it to Phillip, who shrieks and tosses it to Melanie. Melanie's like, oh, there it is. Then she shoves it in a plant, explaining that the vibration is good for the soil. Tannis rolls her eyes. There's a lot of that this week. Usually, it's just me and the universe, so we appreciate the company. Lindsay exclaims that the article is dishonest and unfair: "Justin Taylor's a college student. Their relationship is legal, consensual, and very loving." "Loving"? I guess it is now, if Lindsay says so. And when did Justin enroll in college? It's up to Melanie to tackle the illicit sex question, which is kind of ironic, actually. She tells the boring gay people that Brian's sex life has nothing to do with why he's getting the award. Phillip doesn't care, because the image of the GLC is in jeopardy, not to mention their funding. Tannis orders Mel and L. to get Brian to decline the award. Lindsay's like, uh, yeah, do you know what we had to go through to get him to accept it?! Lindsay had to touch a man's balls, for the love of God. That's going above and beyond the call of duty, you know. Phillip says that it shouldn't be so hard to get Brian to turn it down then, huh?

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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