Queer as Folk U.S.
Hypocrisy: Don't Do It

Episode Report Card
Camper: B | Grade It Now!
Gay As Blazes? Hard As Anvils.

The next morning Mike's on his cell, talking to Ted and Emmett. Ted's in bed jerking off to a porno, and Emmett's ironing clothes out on the B and Bs' porch. Mike's shocked that Brian stood him up. Ted and Emmett? Not so much. Ted suggests that Mike and Brian might be drifting apart. Emmett tsks that it happens sometimes. Ted asks Mike if he wants to go to Bellwether's book signing. Mike's like, after he scorched Brian? Ted points out that Brian is hardly a heroic figure. Well, except for that one time when he beat the crap out of the guy that bashed Justin's head in. Emmett snorts, like, when did Ted become such a prude? Mike snaps, "Since he lost his job whacking off?" Ted says he's not a prude, and he wasn't whacking off! To prove it, Ted stops whacking off for the moment. But then he starts up again. Ted just believes that Bellwether might have a point. The Hammer of Hypocrisy rises once more. Mike says, "Well, I don't think any of us are [sic] in the position to judge, considering some of the things we've done." Ted replies that he has nothing to be ashamed of. Bwa ha ha ha! Mike says he could certainly remind Ted of a few, if he wants. Ted, about to come, hangs up the phone.

Emmett tells Mike he has to go, too, so he can finish ironing one of his employers' pants. Mike's confused: "Aren't you the one who's supposed to be bare-assed?" Emmett informs Mike that his bosses want him to keep his clothes on. Mike's like, are you sure they're gay? Emmett says not only that, "but they're the most decent people [Emmett's] ever met." Emmett tells Mike to tell Brian, "if [Mike] ever speak[s] to him again" (meow), that the people on Gay as Blazes do exist in real life. Mike hangs up. Emmett continues ironing until Blair walks up to him, wearing a towel. Emmett tells him that Blaine called; he's doing pro bono work at the gay homeless shelter, so he's going to be late. Blair is supposed to go to the gay Harvard graduate luncheon, just as soon as Emmett finishes ironing his pants. Blair commends Emmett on the job he's doing for them. Emmett says that B and B's relationship has been inspirational for him: "Seeing you two has really inspired me to strive, to achieve, to better myself." Blair thanks him. Emmett hands Blair his pants and says that if there's anything else he can do, they should just let him know. Blair "accidentally" drops the pants on the ground. As Emmett reaches down for them, Blair drops his towel, too. Oops. Emmett's like, ha ha, you dropped your towel. Blair asks Emmett to get it for him, please. Emmett is looking a little perplexed. Or perhaps disturbed. Or terrified. But he gets down on his knees to get the towel. And you know where that puts him. Blair says that he's really grateful. From the vantage point of Blair's special penis cam (tm LaFramboise), Emmett sighs, "Yes, I see that." He reaches his hand around the penis-cam and opens his mouth really wide, giving us a view that Blair, as a dentist, would really appreciate. That has got to be the singular most unnecessary thing I've ever seen in my entire life, outside of Glitter. And it had to be the black guy that hit on Emmett, right? You know, as long we're talking about stereotypical behavior and all.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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