Sorry. Where were we? Right, so Justin snaps that Brian saved his life. Bellwether intones, "He's also stolen part of it -- your innocence. Your youth." Well, in Brian's defense, someone had to do it. Someone always does. Bellwether concludes, "Someday you'll realize that he's hurt you as much as your attacker." Justin has no answer for that, so he knocks all the books off the table instead, and stomps away. Brian strides up to Bellwether, leans in, and says, "And by the way? I'm thirty." Ha! Does this signal the death of the intern? Bellwether shakes his head, smiles, and hands Ted his signed book.
The B and B. Emmett's chopping vegetables in the kitchen when Blaine saunters in. Blaine says, "You didn't tell me!" Emmett's, all, aaah, what? What didn't I tell you? Blaine's like, you didn't tell me you could cook! Emmett breathes a sigh of relief. Blaine says that Blair will be sorry he missed dinner, now, won't he? Emmett didn't know Blair was gone; apparently it's his night to read to a visually-impaired gay seniors group. I've been trying to get a handle on a joke for that all week. Maybe if Emmett was reading to the visually impaired gay seniors group.... Emmett says he'll set the table for one. Blaine asks Emmett to join him, because he hates eating alone. Then he suggestively slides a carrot into Emmett's mouth. Sigh. Emmett agrees, reluctantly. Blaine asks if he can have a taste of the food. Emmett gets a big spoonful of sauce and feeds it to Blaine. And then spills some on the front of Blaine's pants. Emmett says he should clean it before it stains. Blaine offers to take off his pants. I curl up under the couch to die. Emmett hurriedly replies that that it's not necessary; he'll just take a towel and wipe the stain off the front of Blaine's pants. Because that's much better. Luckily, I have a wireless keyboard, so I can still type from under here. Emmett, realizing what he's doing, says that maybe Blaine should take care of the stain instead. Blaine replies that Emmett's doing an excellent job, and that he should just keep doing what he's doing, adding, "You'd better rub harder." Emmett's trying really hard not to succumb, so he asks whether Blaine's been to any museums or read any good books lately. Finally Blaine unzips his pants. "Oh, look what I've done." Dropping to his knees, Emmett moans, "Forgive me, Father." It's kind of comfortable under the couch, really. Warm and all.
The Happy Fun Dining Room. Brian sits at the candlelit table while Mel and L. hover around him. Melanie presents a bottle of wine for his inspection. Lindsay brings in a Black Angus steak. Brian's all, uh huh, right. Dessert's a thick chocolate cake. And Lindsay hands him a cigar. After St. L. lights it for him, Brian grins, "Maybe there is more to life than sex. Fine dining. Fine wine. Fine cigars." Mel and L. smile at each other, gearing up. Brian's not buying any of this, however, and asks what they want. Melanie actually giggles, "You're so cynical, you can't appreciate a little TLC?" Lindsay giggles with her. Brian snorts, "From the lesbian Lucy and Ethel?" So much for the giggling. Brian tells them to get on with it, already. Lindsay says it's about the award. Which, Melanie reminds him, he didn't want anyway. And, she lies, they explained to the GLC how uncomfortable Brian was with it, so all he has to do is turn it down and then he doesn't have to worry about it! Isn't that great? Huh? Well, isn't it? Brian figures out the real reason: the GLC changed its mind because of Bellwether's article. Brian tells them to forget about it; he's not letting them off the hook. Lindsay snaps that he didn't want the award anyway. Brian says, "Well, that was before I realized what an honor it would be to be recognized by such a fine, upstanding organization. I've already started working on my acceptance speech, in fact. Wanna hear it?" Melanie grabs the plates and stomps off into the kitchen in disgust. Brian begins, "Greetings, and welcome all you sexually-challenged, transmogrified, bipolar, whatever the fuck you ares --" I laughed. Again. And I'm not even drinking. Happy Medium finished all the alcohol in the house.