Queer as Folk U.S.
It's Because I'm Gay, Right?

Episode Report Card
Pamie: F | Grade It Now!
I Have My Daddy's Tits

Lindsay comes home and fills Mel in on the interview with Brian. She says that the reps from the school sound like they were impressed. Mel and Lindsay are dressed almost exactly alike. They sit together in the living room. Mel rubs Lindsay's foot and coos at her. Lindsay tells Mel that Brian was perfect in there. Everything was perfect. "Should have been you and me in there," Lindsay says like she's Irish. Mel says it was Lindsay's idea to pretend they were hetero. Lindsay realizes now that it's harder to pretend to be something you're not, and not to allow a child to have the parents he was born with is doing more harm than good. Why do we have the same storyline for both the A and B stories? Mel says the ends can sometimes justify the means. The phone rings. It's the school. They've turned down Gus because they want a student with same-sex parents. Or maybe Gus really is a shitty candidate. Mel says they'll sue for discrimination. Lindsay laughs and laughs and laughs. Poor Gus will have to go to an average school like the rest of us. There is an incredible amount of bad acting at the end of this scene, with Mel and Lindz panting air like they don't know how to act shocked. Fake laughing mixed with fake outrage looks like dinner theatre. Lindsay is breathless as she announces the life lesson she learned from all of this. Mel pulls her down by her foot and fingers her.

Justin's dancing in an angel's outfit. The angel at the next go-go booth has tons of cash in his shorts. Justin does not. Emmett, Michael, and Brian are pouting at the bar. Brian's trying to ignore his half-naked boyfriend grinding for tips. Emmett says that when he was in school, he had a part-time job walking dogs. He notes that he didn't know he could have made money wagging his own tail instead. Wah waaaaaaaaah. Ted walks up and brags about the turnout. He says it's all because of Michael. He kisses Mikey, who then moans a "See ya." He starts to pout off, telling Brian to leave him alone. Instead he yells that he can't believe his mother lied to him his entire life about who his father was. Brian says he doesn't know for sure. Why does everyone keep lying to him? Michael says he can't believe his father was Judy Garland and not a war hero. "Would you have preferred Bette Davis?" Brian asks. Because that's who he got, really. Michael mumbles, "Maybe I should just forget it." I have no idea what he's talking about there, either.

Divina takes the stage in a giant angel costume, singing "Heaven." Jesus, Mary, and Joseph. Someone dug up Carol Channing, put her on an angel Popsicle stick, and called it Divina Devore. Terrifying. Ted is shocked at the stage show, which is strange because I'm sure he was in charge of some kind of rehearsal. It's just a hydraulic lift, Ted. "He's up there!" Ted screams five minutes later. Whatever. Michael's pouting over his living gay dad. Somehow the stage show starts to win him over. He smiles and laughs. Divina keeps singing. Michael looks at Brian in slow motion and shoves him off-camera. I don't know why, either. Everyone cheers as Michael just stands there looking at the ground. He smiles back upwards again.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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