Emmett is staring at pretty jewelry through a jewelry store window. He eats some kind of pastry and has his Breakfast at Tiffany's moment until Debbie ruins it by showing off her own bracelets (the kind I wore to the roller rink when I was eight). She says you can hardly tell the difference. Emmett shows off his new gold thing and brags to Debbie that he almost lost a tooth proving how real it is. He says it's from his secret admirer. Debbie asks who Emmett thinks it is. Emmett says he'd like it to be this rich Prince Charming who whisks him off to his palace. Happily ever after and all that. Emmett says he knows it's unrealistic and his friends would probably laugh if they heard him. As if Emmett's never said anything like this before. Debbie says that his friends don't know anything about love and that they follow their dicks, not their hearts. Emmett says he has a dream of perfection, so he keeps looking, "hoping against hope" that he'll find it. Debbie says that in most cases, that kind of love only happens in the movies. They keep saying other lines about how true love doesn't exist as a limo pulls up behind them. The driver gets out and asks Emmett if he's Fetch. He's been sent to "fetch" him. Emmett says that his mother taught him not to accept rides from strangers, which I think is some solid advice. Somehow, Debbie talks him into taking the limo ride to strangerland. I hope Emmett's got a cell phone or something. Emmett asks who he works for. Debbie says the driver's going to say he's not at liberty to say, which he then says. Debbie convinces Emmett with the following sentence: "Whaddaya gotta do the rest of the day, wash out yer undies?" Oh, of course. Yes. Then I shall accept a ride from a total stranger who loves my porn site and sends me expensive things expecting nothing in return. Hold my calls.
Mikey is showing off his videotaped personal ad to Ted, Brian, Lindsay, and Mel. Why? Why? Why? Anyway, Mikey's beaming as the rest of the group looks uncomfortable because they're watching Mikey's weird personal ad where he just stares off into space for a while when he has a Ben hallucination. That'll get you dates, Mike. I'm never finishing this recap, am I? Mel tells Michael that he has excellent posture. Ted tells Mikey that he likes his shirt. Lindsay says he's absolutely adorable. Brian tells Mikey that it's pathetic. Michael ejects the tape and says that at least someone is being honest. I don't understand why Mikey and Brian are wearing almost the same shirt in this scene. Brian tells Mikey that he has to sell himself like he's toothpaste or shampoo. He needs sexy and hot. Speaking of hot, Ted decides to reheat his pizza. You guys, the writing makes me so sad sometimes.