Queer as Folk U.S.
Love For Sale

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B | Grade It Now!
Rules of Engagement

Justin lights a cigarette and then lowers his sweaty naked body back down on all of the coats that belong to strangers. That's so nasty for all parties involved, really. He hands the cigarette to the boy, who asks Justin what his first time was like. Justin tells the story of fucking Brian, which we all know in greater detail than even Justin does. We saw angles he'd never get to see. Outside, some girl bangs on the door screaming that she needs her coat. "Fuck off!" Justin screams back. Nice. The naked boys laugh. Justin says he hates these stupid parties. The naked boy hates them as well. Justin says he had to come so that Daphne wouldn't hate him. The boy says that watching the "dudes" and "babes" makes him wish he stayed home to watch MTV. Where there's nothing but "dudes," "babes," "dogs," and "bitches." Justin asks why the boy doesn't go to clubs and bars to meet boys. Instead of the correct answer -- which is, "I'm seventeen" -- he tells Justin that he doesn't want to meet a lot of guys. He's looking for a boyfriend, a relationship. Run, Justin! Run! The boy launches into a full-on recital of "One Boy" from Bye, Bye, Birdie. To joke with, snort coke with. Justin says that's not how things work out. The boy tries to kiss Justin, but Justin turns away. Dejected, the boy starts to get dressed. Justin calls him over and breaks Rule #1 by kissing him. He then breaks Rule #2 by lowering him back to the bed for round two.

Emmett and Schickle are eating Burger Queen in the back of the limo. Burger Queen, y'all. Emmett says the pickles are his favorite part, of course. Schickle: "I relish the compliment." I can't groan loud enough. Emmett tells a story about Mississippi and fried pickles and how they used to suck pickles on the porch back when he was a boy. Emmett ponders how much those pickles affected his psychosexual development. Schickle damn near pops a vessel laughing at all of the things coming out of Emmett's mouth. Then Emmett goes off on how everyone hated him in Mississippi, but it didn't stop him from being who he wanted to be. "Fuck 'em all, that was my motto," he says. "Still is." Schickle says he lived a lie for a long time to make a family fortune and married a meat-packing heiress to make beautiful sandwiches together. Five years ago she found him giving the gardener a blowjob, and that was the end of it. They hadn't had sex since 1972, but she sued him for everything and now he doesn't see her or the children and is a social pariah. Emmett says that at least he's free to be himself. Schickle says he's friendless and has to find companionship over the internet. Way to bum us out, pickle pops.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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