The date is doing something to Mikey that makes him sweaty. Mikey mostly appears to be watching what's happening to him with awe more than enjoying what's going on. He tells the date he's perfect. "I know," the date answers. He says he wasn't always perfect. He used to weigh a lot more and have "hideous, coarse body hair." Then he went plastic-surgery-crazy, fixed and implanted everything, and now he's the six-million-dollar man, thanks to his parents' bank account. He's got a trainer, works out five hours a day, and can hardly eat a thing. He says that Mikey could stand some work: lose a few pounds, get a nose job, and get some pec implants. He tells Mikey he might want to consider a penile extension. Mikey's dream date has become a dud yet again. But I thought Mikey liked the egocentric, narcissistic type.
Brian arrives home to find Justin sleeping. He puts his hand under the sheet and wakes Justin up. Brian comments that Justin's slept all day and got in pretty late the night before. Justin says he got in just before the 3 AM curfew. Brian says the party must have been kick-ass. Justin says it was all right. "My nose tells me it was better than all right," Brian says. Man, don't these people ever shower? It's so gross to go sniffing other people's ass stank on each other. Seriously. I'm not a prude, but come on. My cat's better about his ass than these people. Brian starts sniffing Justin and tries to figure out the boy he fucked last night. Eventually he figures out that Justin took some boy's virginity. He kisses Justin and can tell that Justin kissed the kid. Justin gets up to take a shower.
Mikey's moaning about his Body Babe Robot date from last night to Mel and Lindsay at the diner. Gus is looking right at us. Quit it, Gus! It's creepy! Mel can't believe that Mike had sex on a date before they even had a conversation. The scene turns all When Harry and Harry met Sally and Sally... as Michael says that sex is different for men and women because it's more intense and immediate for men. Mel says that she and Lindsay "fuck like crazy" and that their "pussies soak the sheets." Mikey is nauseated. I'm a bit, too, but that's because Mel's saying this with her mouth full of french fries. Mikey turns and clutches his mother. He whimpers into her stomach. Mel and Lindsay laugh and tell Debbie that they scared him. Debbie tells Michael to call Ida again. Mikey moans that he'll end up with a Jewish princess. "You could end up with a lot worse," Lindsay says, and kisses Mel. Mikey whimpers again as his mother strokes his head.