Queer as Folk U.S.
Love For Sale

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Rules of Engagement

Jennifer has to go pick up Justin's sister. As she leaves, she wraps her arm around Justin's waist and tells him that college is going to be the best time of his life. She tells him she's excited for him. She kisses and hugs him goodbye. Justin all but pushes her out of the apartment and then attacks Brian. They kiss and fall back on the couch. Justin asks how "he" was. "Not bad," Brian answers. Justin asks what he looked like. Brian tells him to guess. Justin starts sniffing Brian's neck. He decides he's tall. He sniffs Brian's stomach and decides he's medium build, black hair, brown eyes. "Smoldering good looks," Justin concludes. Brian tells him that he's very good, and they go back to kissing. Justin asks Brian if he fucked him. Brian says he'll just show Justin what he did.

Emmett is in full army gear, jacking off on his rotating cushion bed. Never in my life did I think I was going to write that sentence. Emmett continues the G.I. Fetch thing up to the "Ready...Aim...Fire!" Ted watches mouth agape as Emmett orgasms for quite some time. I hate Ted's watching window. It reminds me of Danny Devito's window in Taxi. Emmett falls exhausted as Ted applauds. They make a few jokes about Emmett pleasing his fans. Emmett gingerly packs himself back into his pants as Ted carries over a box of goodies Emmett's fans have sent. Emmett squeals with delight as he sits down. The first card tells him that he's sending a token of affection and would like Emmett to think of him when he uses it. It's a big black dildo with a rainbow ribbon tied around it. Emmett is grossed out and tosses the dildo aside. I don't understand why Emmett's grossed out. That seems to be the most harmless gift someone in the sex industry could receive in the mail. The next present asks Emmett to wear a jockstrap to the gym and then place it in the enclosed Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope. Ted's got the skeeves and makes a face. You guys are working in porn! Why give out a P.O. Box if you don't want fan mail like this? Ted starts to take the box away, but Emmett stops him when he spots something fancy inside. It's a tiny box from Tiffany's. It's a big gold bracelet. Big and chunky. It looks like a gold snake. Much more offensive than the dildo, if you ask me. Emmett loves it, though. "It's exquisite!" he whispers. Ted says, "It must have cost a fortune!" The card tells Emmett he's a "beacon of light" in the gloom of cyberspace.

I just need to take a moment here to ask how exactly this JerkAtWork.net thing works. People are paying for registrations seconds before Emmett shoots. How is that exciting or worth your $9.95 a month? I don't get it. And what's the big deal about the JerkAtWork.net feature of clicking a button that pulls up a screensaver? If you don't know how to make a window disappear with the push of a button, you don't deserve to watch porn at work. And what's on JerkAtWork.net the twenty or so hours a day that Emmett isn't jacking off in front of a webcam? Is it just a shot of the bed? Why do I care? Why?

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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