Queer as Folk U.S.

Episode Report Card
Camper: B | 480 USERS: B-
YOU GRADE IT
Your Own Private Jizzball

Mike catches up with Justin outside, and asks what Brian did. Justin denies that Brian did anything. Mike snorts, "I know that face. That's the 'Brian Kinney just fucked me' face." But that would be the face Justin always wears, wouldn't it? Jealous, Mike? Justin, outraged, tells Mike about Zucchini Man. Mike chuckles, "Another hurricane off the coast of Florida, another earthquake in Peru -- so what else is new?" Justin thought that, since he and Brian were together and all, things would be different. Mike understands, but Justin needs to understand that Brian isn't going to change. Ever. EVER. Justin doesn't know why the hell he's even there, then. Michael opens his mouth real wide and shoves in, "Maybe because you got bashed in the head and he feels guilty?" Justin runs away, with Mike ineffectually calling after him that that's not exactly what he meant. Just stick a cork on your fork and be done with it, Novotny.

Zee Gym. Shots of men doing bicep curls on a bench, one after another. Finally it's Ted's turn as he mutters, "Eight thousand down the drain...nine thousand down the drain...." Emmett tells him to stop worrying, because he has a plan. Ted sighs, "At this point, I am so desperate that I actually stop what I'm doing, turn to you with a plaintive expression, and ask, 'You do?'" Emmett's like, of course I do: "After you lose everything you have in the world, you move in with Michael and me. We have an inflatable mattress and a spare key." Oh, my God, I will kill Ted myself before that happens. There's only so much misery a recapper can take. Ted continues with the curls, "Ten thousand down the drain...eleven thousand down the drain." Emmett sees Zack O'Tool across the room and gets another idea. Ted frowns, "Does it involve begging at an off-ramp or sleeping in a cardboard box?" Emmett points out the Manrammer and fake-whispers, "Remember how I told you that you needed something bigger? Maybe now you'll listen."

Emmett and Ted trot over to join the crowd of men surrounding the massive porn star. Emmett pushes his way through and tells Zack how nice it is to see him again. Ted doubts that Zack remembers him. Emmett knows how to trigger his memory, though: He opens up his mouth really wide. Zack frowns, like he can't place him exactly. Emmett opens his mouth even wider, and Zack nods, "Oh, yeah. You were the guy who was supposed to blow me." In his line of work, I guess you never forget a pair of tonsils. Ted reminds Zack that Ted's the one who paid Zack for that. Emmett asks why Zack's back in town. Zack says he's doing a new film with a football theme. It's called Backsides in Motion. Emmett laughs, "Well, I love anything with shoulder pads." Ted and Emmett chuckle, but Zack leaves without another word. Emmett looks around quickly and skips after him.

Queer as Folk U.S.

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