In Brian's loft, Justin is drawing on the computer. Brian comes up behind him and starts to nuzzle his neck. Justin asks Brian to stop, because he's trying to do his homework. Brian keeps kissing him, anyway. Justin pulls away. Brian scoffs that he's not still upset about Zucchini Man, is he? Justin snorts. Brian shrugs, "I don't even remember it or him. It was nothing." Then what's the point? Justin says that he knows it was just Brian being Brian: "I don't expect you to change, in fact, I don't even want you to." Brian's like, then what's the problem? The problem is that Justin doesn't know what he's doing there. Is it because Brian feels guilty about the bashing? Brian doesn't have a quick enough answer to that, and Justin picks up his stuff and stalks off.
That night, The Babe shows up just as Mike's closing the store. Ben says that Mike never showed up to the lecture. Okay. I know that character consistency is often a lot to ask for around here, but I find it hard to believe that eager-to-please puppy-boy Michael bailed just because he felt self-conscious. The Mike I know would definitely have gone. He might have made a complete ass out of himself, but he would have felt too guilt-ridden to not go. Plus, hello, did you notice that Ben is gorgeous? Mike apologizes, and lies that the store got too busy and he forgot to call. Ben asks if they can reschedule. Mike futzes that he really doesn't have the time. Ben nods, disappointed and a little upset: "It was an imposition in the first place." That finally triggers Mike's guilt, and he admits that he's no Brainiac. Ben knows that one. One of Superman's arch-villains, right? Mike rants, "Standing in front of a bunch of college students pretending that I know something is bullshit!" The Babe doesn't understand. Make The Babe understand, Michael. Michael explains, "Because the Justice League of America isn't exactly Proust or Foucault, or whoever the fuck they are." Ben replies that what Mike knows is just as valuable: "You have this incredible knowledge of gay semiotics that you don't even realize." Mike and I are like, gay what? Whatever it is, it sounds dirty. Ben laughs that it doesn't matter what it is, he has this...Mike interrupts, "Passion?" Ben grins that he radiates that passion, actually. Mike fumbles, "Well, that must be why...I'm a little hot." Ben smiles gently in the presence of such a lame pick-up line. He'll do well here.
The dungeon. Ted grouses that his viewers are bailing. Emmett's like, hello, they signed up for Zack, they get Emmett -- what did Ted think was going to happen? Ted growls at Emmett to do something, already! Emmett lamely waves at the camera. Ted orders him to take something off. Emmett gingerly unbuttons his shirt. Ted notes that the dropping-off rate is dropping off. He orders Emmett to take off his pants. Emmett turns his back to the camera, cautiously takes off his pants and strips down to his black bikini underwear. Ted tells him to take off the black bikini underwear, too. Emmett's all poopy, but does it. Ted says the numbers are holding at 180 users: "I think we've stopped the bleeding." Emmett asks what he should do now. Ted's like, "You grab your pud and you pull!" Emmett slowly turns around to face the camera. The number of users and Emmett "go up" at about the same time. I guess everyone's IM'ing their friends and spreading the word. Ted finally looks straight at Emmett and realizes, "You're bigger than O'Tool!" The number goes up to 220 users. Emmett gasps, "I always told you I was a grower, not a show-er." Emmett asks Ted when he wants Emmett to come. Ted waits until the number reaches 530, and tells Emmett to go for it. Emmett ejaculates all over himself, his hair, his chest, urggh. Ted brings over a towel so that Emmett can wipe himself off, and congratulates him on his performance, "No one's ever going to know that you used the jizzball." Emmett's like, what jizzball? And Ted was looking right at him, too. Did he see a jizzball? Gah!