Brian shows up, kisses Mike on the cheek, grabs Emmett firmly by the shoulders, wishes Debbie a good morning, and steals Ted's cup of coffee out of his hands. Bwa! I don't care if he did undergo a makeover more drastic than Greta Van Susteren's. I love Brian this season. Brian asks for a "flop, two, sinkers, and some suds." Damn, and I left my diner shorthand manual back in eighth grade. Eeyore grouses that Brian's breakfast sounds like his life. Debbie rolls her eyes and orders two eggs, a donut, and coffee for "Mr. Wonderful." And then she notes that "someone got lucky last night." Where's the usual comment about said lucky person's genitalia? You're sweet, Deb, but get a life, already. By the way, today's t-shirt reads, "If you think my attitude stinks, you should smell my fingers." Yeah. Ewww. Mike starts to read his speech from a set of blue index cards, which he holds up really close to his face. Brian asks what's going on. Debbie proudly explains that Mike's giving a lecture at Carnegie Mellon. Brian's taken aback, but impressed: "Next you'll be receiving your honorary doctorate." Mike snorts, "Especially when the closest I've come to higher education is when I fucked that textbook salesman from Cleveland." Mike makes a little gesture with his pinkie, just in case Brian can't recall who he's talking about. Like there's such a long list. Ted groans that he has just about enough money left over from his online venture for his own funeral. Emmett sniffs on his way from the counter, "Don't ask me to deliver the eulogy. No one would listen." Ted takes half a beat to notice that Emmett's not there anymore. Brian yells at Debbie to give him his breakfast, even though he's been there all of thirty seconds. Justin pouts on over with Brian's donut. Brian grins, "Good morning, Sunshine." His cuckolded wife grumbles, "Can I get you something else?" Brian tries to inhale Justin's face. Justin pulls away and mutters that he's going to be late for class. Mike senses that something's up. Ya think?
Mike catches up with Justin outside, and asks what Brian did. Justin denies that Brian did anything. Mike snorts, "I know that face. That's the 'Brian Kinney just fucked me' face." But that would be the face Justin always wears, wouldn't it? Jealous, Mike? Justin, outraged, tells Mike about Zucchini Man. Mike chuckles, "Another hurricane off the coast of Florida, another earthquake in Peru -- so what else is new?" Justin thought that, since he and Brian were together and all, things would be different. Mike understands, but Justin needs to understand that Brian isn't going to change. Ever. EVER. Justin doesn't know why the hell he's even there, then. Michael opens his mouth real wide and shoves in, "Maybe because you got bashed in the head and he feels guilty?" Justin runs away, with Mike ineffectually calling after him that that's not exactly what he meant. Just stick a cork on your fork and be done with it, Novotny.