Queer as Folk U.S.
Mixed Blessings

Episode Report Card
Camper: B- | 1 USERS: A+
YOU GRADE IT
Your Own Private Jizzball

Zee Gym. Shots of men doing bicep curls on a bench, one after another. Finally it's Ted's turn as he mutters, "Eight thousand down the drain...nine thousand down the drain...." Emmett tells him to stop worrying, because he has a plan. Ted sighs, "At this point, I am so desperate that I actually stop what I'm doing, turn to you with a plaintive expression, and ask, 'You do?'" Emmett's like, of course I do: "After you lose everything you have in the world, you move in with Michael and me. We have an inflatable mattress and a spare key." Oh, my God, I will kill Ted myself before that happens. There's only so much misery a recapper can take. Ted continues with the curls, "Ten thousand down the drain...eleven thousand down the drain." Emmett sees Zack O'Tool across the room and gets another idea. Ted frowns, "Does it involve begging at an off-ramp or sleeping in a cardboard box?" Emmett points out the Manrammer and fake-whispers, "Remember how I told you that you needed something bigger? Maybe now you'll listen."

Emmett and Ted trot over to join the crowd of men surrounding the massive porn star. Emmett pushes his way through and tells Zack how nice it is to see him again. Ted doubts that Zack remembers him. Emmett knows how to trigger his memory, though: He opens up his mouth really wide. Zack frowns, like he can't place him exactly. Emmett opens his mouth even wider, and Zack nods, "Oh, yeah. You were the guy who was supposed to blow me." In his line of work, I guess you never forget a pair of tonsils. Ted reminds Zack that Ted's the one who paid Zack for that. Emmett asks why Zack's back in town. Zack says he's doing a new film with a football theme. It's called Backsides in Motion. Emmett laughs, "Well, I love anything with shoulder pads." Ted and Emmett chuckle, but Zack leaves without another word. Emmett looks around quickly and skips after him.

The Steam Room. Naked men wander around, dick shots abound, etc. Ted and Emmett peer around the corner to stare at O'Tool. Emmett whispers, "Didn't I tell you that he was even bigger in person? It's huge." Ted agrees that it's "gargantuan." Emmett crows that it's just what Ted's looking for. They sit down on either side of Zack. Zack asks what they want. Emmett tries to explain about Ted's site, but Zack isn't interested. Emmett tries to get Zack through his loyalty to his fans. Zack's still not interested. Ted, who can't stop staring at Zack's crotch, gives it a shot: "What better to plug your new picture?" Zack snorts, "Whacking off on the web is for amateurs, boys." Emmett announces that they'll give him a thousand bucks, and a limousine, champagne and, uh, his own personal fluffer. Ted stage-whispers to Emmett that this will cost a fortune. Emmett snaps, "Would you rather lose one?" Good point. Besides which, I think Emmett's willing to save you some money on the fluffer. Ted finishes, "So, Zack, how would you like to share your member with our members?"

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15Next

Queer as Folk U.S.

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP