Next up on the Queer as Folk Has-Been Hit Parade: Steven Weber. You may remember Steven from NBC's recently cancelled sitcom Cursed. No? Good, because it was really bad TV, and you don't need to be exposed to that. Any more of that, I mean. ["It got cancelled? I thought it just got renamed Weber or something. Good, that shit sucked." -- Wing Chun] But surely you will recall him from NBC's early '90s sitcom Wings, as the loser half of the crush-inducing Hackett Brothers. Brian and Joe. Sigh. Steven was Brian. And he's still cute, darn it. Hey, wait! Steven...was "Brian"! Okay, I'm reaching, but there has to be some sort of method to this co-host madness. Anyway, Steven recaps the last episode: Ted in a coma, Justin on the run, Justin on the football player, Brian in a moral quandary, Brian 'n the Hunky Nurse. You know. The usual. And I'm having a terrible time focusing because Steven's so...straight. Has this show ruined me forever for Breeder boys?! Oh, well, I'm sure it's nothing that Dollar Bud Night at the Lucky Bar and some heavy concentration won't cure.
Hot Dancing Gay Boys! That one guy swimming around cracks me up every time.
Brian's Penthouse. It's morning. The camera pans up and across Brian's bed, past the hunk next to him up, to Brian's face. There's a knock at the door, and Brian opens his eyes. He doesn't even fully turn over to ask the guy next to him, "Who the hell are you?" Well, who the hell is it always, Brian? Bed Guy, somewhat offended, raises his head and says, "I'm the guy you fucked last night." That's who. What a dumb question. Brian, uninterestedly, "Oh, yeah." Whatever. Brian continues, not really caring, "Were you any good?" The look on Bed Guy's face is priceless, all like, "Wha?!" I'll admit it. I laughed. Dude, if you're not going to remember, what's the point? And if you don't care so much, why are you letting them stay over in the first place? Another knock. Brian: "Okay, I'm coming! [to Bed Guy] And you're going." We get Brian Butt Shot #1 as he walks to the door. Not that I'm complaining.
It's Lindsay at the door with Gus, just stopping by to say hi on their way to wherever. Okay, Lindsay doesn't even blink at Fully-Frontal Brian. I know no one who is that blasé about her friend answering the door naked. She sees Bed Guy pulling on his jeans near the bed, and that stops her short. So, maybe it's just asses she's already used to. Bed Guy's got a nice one, maybe even nicer than Brian's. I'm just saying. Lindsay asks if she's interrupting. Brian assures her that she isn't. Brian takes Gus from her, and Bed Guy walks up to the three of them, and starts in with the baby talk -- "What a pwecious wittle baby," etc., until Brian glares at him like, "Stop breathing on my kid." Bed Guy coughs and says that they should get together again sometime. Brian doesn't roll his eyes, but I do. Brian's already forgotten Bed Guy by the time he's out the door. Brian's cute with the baby, but I don't hate him as much for it this time. Gus really is a cute baby. Lindsay tells Brian that they wouldn't have to drop by unannounced if Brian would come by the Happy Fun House more often. Brian tells her to talk to Melanie. Lindsay: "Can you blame her? The way you behave." But she doesn't say it like she means it. Brian says that Melanie is just jealous, because Lindsay loves him more than she loves Melanie. Well, could you blame Lindsay? The way Melanie behaves. Rather than explore that (ahem), Lindsay says that they have a child, now. "Yeah," Brian says, "You and me." Lindsay adds Melanie to that group, and says they should learn to get along for Gus's sake. Brian says he'll try, "if she douches." Just had to go there, didn't ya? Lindsay invites him over for dinner. Brian is skeptical. Lindsay is persistent: "Friday? Early? So you can still hit the bars?"