The Happy Fun House. Melanie's doing some paperwork in the living room as Lindsay walks in tentatively, suffering from Jennifer Aniston syndrome again. What, is her prominent nipplage supposed to make up for not showing the lesbians having sex? Lindsay slides into Melanie's lap and does the bait and switch routine -- I'm gonna make out with you and hopefully you won't mind so much that I've invited Brian to dinner! Melanie's slightly mollified by the closeness of Lindsay's creamy cleavage, and doesn't yell.. Lindsay: "I'll make that chicken you like." Melanie: "I don't want him touching my silverware, knowing where his hands have been." Well, at one point, they were right about where Melanie's are now, but maybe that's her point. Lindsay tries the "Can't we all just get along" speech, "-- without making me the smiling lesbian in the middle?" Melanie says that no asked her to be: "Just leave [Brian] out of my life." Still calm, still fascinated by the cleavage. Wow, if that's the trick, Lindsay should just wander around topless all the time. Lindsay's all blah, blah, blah, he's Gus's father. Melanie: "Aren't we supposed to be an alternative family -- you know, two mommies?" Lindsay says that there's nothing alternative about them: "We're just as fucked-up as any other family in the history of the world." Melanie finally asks her what she wants; Lindsay says that she wants to be a good mother, she wants to be with Melanie...and she wants Melanie to give Brian a chance. Mel's out of the chair at that one. Whoa-oh, she's lost contact with the breasts! INCOMING! Lindsay: "He's a good person." He is? Melanie: "He's a selfish shithead." Well, I guess that's one thing you two have in common, huh? Lindsay: "Maybe, but he's honest. He tells the truth, and he doesn't pretend." Melanie, walking out of the living room: "I wish he would try." Because then she'd like him. Oh, wait, he still would have gotten to Lindsay before she did, so, you know, NOT. Lindsay says that she wishes Melanie would try, too. Or Melanie could just leave. Forever. But apparently my happiness is not in question here. With her back to the camera, Melanie slowly pulls off her top, and drops it on the floor on her way up the stairs, giving Lindsay The Look of Lesbian Acknowledgement. Argument's over. Lindsay grins and runs up the stairs after her. But once again, no actual simulated sex acts. Too bad for any straight guys out there. There's got to be at least a couple.