Meanwhile, at Woody's, Justin's wandering around without a shirt. He spots Brian and saunters over. Brian is less than elated. Justin tells Brian that he should take his shirt off, because he'll get a free drink. Brian: "I don't show my tits for a watered-down Bud." The Straight Girl Contingent coughs nervously. Justin asks Brian to buy him a drink. Brian tells him to buy his own. Justin reminds him that he's underage. Whew! This sexy banter is leaving me light-headed. Brian tells him that he should go home to his mom, who's probably worried. Justin relates the shrink story. Brian: "Well, maybe she's trying to understand you." He's a brat. What's there to understand? As far as I'm concerned, his mom is trying to treat the wrong problem. Justin's not so great with the casual repartee, because really, who believes that he hasn't been hanging around Liberty Ave. all night just looking for Brian? Justin asks Brian what his parents did when he told them he was gay. Brian's already spotted his next conquest across the bar, but is paying enough attention to tell Justin that his parents didn't do anything, because he never told them. "It's not their life." Brian says, standing up, ready to walk over to his next one-night stand. "I don't need their approval." Justin contemplates that as Brian walks away -- and spots Daphne running through the door. Huh? Practically hyperventilating, she tells Justin that it wasn't her fault, that her mom answered the phone and told his mom that Justin wasn't at her house, and Daphne didn't know what to do, so she brought his mom to the bar. Huh? Justin is ten types of horrified when he sees his "It's a good thing"-Ann-Taylor-wearing Mother walk in the door and take in all the shirtless gay boys. Justin tries to back up, but it's too late; Mommy sees him, and gives him this heartbreaking look that even I felt down into my toes. Justin bolts.
Brian and This Night's Trick murmur together. And who else should be checking Brian out from afar but Mr. Potential Client Man? Yup, that's right -- Telson is at the other end of the bar, next to the only black guy to make it in front of a camera so far. No Good, I'm telling you.
The Happy Fun House. Melanie's doing some paperwork in the living room as Lindsay walks in tentatively, suffering from Jennifer Aniston syndrome again. What, is her prominent nipplage supposed to make up for not showing the lesbians having sex? Lindsay slides into Melanie's lap and does the bait and switch routine -- I'm gonna make out with you and hopefully you won't mind so much that I've invited Brian to dinner! Melanie's slightly mollified by the closeness of Lindsay's creamy cleavage, and doesn't yell.. Lindsay: "I'll make that chicken you like." Melanie: "I don't want him touching my silverware, knowing where his hands have been." Well, at one point, they were right about where Melanie's are now, but maybe that's her point. Lindsay tries the "Can't we all just get along" speech, "-- without making me the smiling lesbian in the middle?" Melanie says that no asked her to be: "Just leave [Brian] out of my life." Still calm, still fascinated by the cleavage. Wow, if that's the trick, Lindsay should just wander around topless all the time. Lindsay's all blah, blah, blah, he's Gus's father. Melanie: "Aren't we supposed to be an alternative family -- you know, two mommies?" Lindsay says that there's nothing alternative about them: "We're just as fucked-up as any other family in the history of the world." Melanie finally asks her what she wants; Lindsay says that she wants to be a good mother, she wants to be with Melanie...and she wants Melanie to give Brian a chance. Mel's out of the chair at that one. Whoa-oh, she's lost contact with the breasts! INCOMING! Lindsay: "He's a good person." He is? Melanie: "He's a selfish shithead." Well, I guess that's one thing you two have in common, huh? Lindsay: "Maybe, but he's honest. He tells the truth, and he doesn't pretend." Melanie, walking out of the living room: "I wish he would try." Because then she'd like him. Oh, wait, he still would have gotten to Lindsay before she did, so, you know, NOT. Lindsay says that she wishes Melanie would try, too. Or Melanie could just leave. Forever. But apparently my happiness is not in question here. With her back to the camera, Melanie slowly pulls off her top, and drops it on the floor on her way up the stairs, giving Lindsay The Look of Lesbian Acknowledgement. Argument's over. Lindsay grins and runs up the stairs after her. But once again, no actual simulated sex acts. Too bad for any straight guys out there. There's got to be at least a couple.