Queer as Folk U.S.
One Degree Of Brian Kinney

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Insert Brian Benben Joke Here

Justin follows Brian over to the bar wearing a very knowing look. "You fucked him, didn't you?" Justin asks with a smile. Brian plays coy and innocent, but Justin's not buying it. "He's only, like, the hottest guy I've ever seen," Justin beams. Ouch. Take that, Brian. Wait. He did. Justin asks for numbers and positions. "Once...twice," Brian says. "I'm getting hard just thinking about it," Justin smiles. He asks why Brian hasn't told Michael about it. Brian says that the first rule of Gay Etiquette is never to fuck and tell. I'm so calling bullshit on that one. I bet you guys tell each other everything while you're still fucking. I know we tell everything, so I know you tell everything because everybody tells everybody everything all the time. Justin just nods. The camera pans over to Ben giving Michael the Heimlich Maneuver to a beat.

Emmett and Ted are at a fancy soiree. Ted is pointing out the who's who of the hoity-toity gay community. Ted sips his martini and lists off the attendees like he's standing on the red carpet. "The A Gays," Emmett jokes. "That's a vulgar term," Ted mumbles. "I'm a vulgar girl," Emmett smiles. I love Emmett. He's the only one who doesn't look horrible in all the blue light. Wait. I just froze TiVo on a very bad shot of Emmett swallowing. Ted says there's nothing wrong with wanting to associate with a "higher class" of people. Emmett says that there's nothing wrong with the group they associate with now. Ted says he could make significant contacts or co-chair an important event if he knew these people. He adds that he'd get good seats to the Bernadette Peters concert. Ted stops when he sees his dream guy: Garth Racine. Not to be confused with Garth Ancier, who developed my most beloved 21 Jump Street, headed both FOX and the WB, was the President of NBC (is he still?) and looks pretty much like this Racine guy, whose name just happens to be an anagram. But don't get them confused, okay? Ted says that Garth is the head of all things queer, and that you're nothing if you're not invited to one of his exclusive parties. Emmett reminds Ted that everyone here is just another "cocksucking fairy," and that he should go up to Garth and introduce himself. Ted can't do anything right, of course, so he mumbles and stammers all over Garth and just about spills his drink all over Garth's fancy friends. The group of Über-men laugh openly at Scary Ted because he looks like he's about to pull out a gun and kill Garth. They all walk away without even the slightest introduction. Defeated, Ted stands still as Emmett joins him. "Nothing like a higher class of people," Emmett says.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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