Queer as Folk U.S.
One Degree Of Brian Kinney

Episode Report Card
Pamie: A | Grade It Now!
Insert Brian Benben Joke Here

Debbie's at the police station in the middle of the night. For a cop she thinks sucks, he sure puts in twenty-four hours in a workday. She tells him she'd like to talk to somebody, but she wishes it wasn't him. He asks her to relax. She says she doesn't have time, and she wishes he didn't, either. She tells him he's not even trying to solve Dumpster Boy's case. He says he has, and that they've turned up nothing. "The name's Debbie," she says to him, and he goes, "Debbie?" in that voice the WB guy uses when he says, "Dawson's Creek" or "Smallville." Debbie's in full Cagney mode now. The cop tells her that it's none of her business. She says that it is. This is all filled with horrible writing that I'm sparing you. You can send your thank-you cards to pamie@televisionwithoutpity.com.

Michael can't wait to fuck Ben because maybe there's still some of Brian's dick juice on him somewhere. Man, this show makes me gross. You know what's worse? I'm writing this while eating something called a "Fruit Chewlicious." And unfortunately, it has nothing to do with Destiny's Child. Michael tells Ben to leave his underwear on so that Hal doesn't have to get near an actual penis. Ben and Michael get naked and flop on the bed as they talk about Brian. They say his name three times, so he appears in the bed beside Ben as one of Michael's hallucinations. Luckily, Brian's not wearing any clothes either. I can't believe it. Ben's underwear is from that company "2 (x) ist," which advertises on the giant television screen on Sunset Boulevard near my apartment. I almost crash my car three times a day looking at the hot, naked boys in their underwear and here they are in a close-up on this show. It's underwear for gay men. Can you believe that target audience? More bad erection jokes from Ben and Michael until Michael lowers himself out of frame. Ben has the "blowjob" face on long before it's feasible for Michael's mouth to be near his dick.

Ted's at the gym getting spotted by a man with the dick that is large enough to blow from where I'm sitting in my living room. Ted can't stop staring at it. BigDick tells Ted to meet him over at the squats. Emmett leans in and declares, "I could definitely squat on that." The trainer is ridiculously named Rainer, and it turns out that Brian's already fucked Rainer the Trainer, which is obviously a no-brainer. Brian says that Rainer's like a German train: "He always comes in on time." Yikes. Michael shows up late, bragging about having more sex with Ben. What's with all the bragging from the losers? Michael and Brian make plans to go to Babylon tonight. Brian leaves so that Ted and Emmett can grill Michael to find out if he and Ben have broken up yet over the Brian thing. Michael's still blowing it all off. He says that Brian thinks of sex like a handshake. Emmett and Ted keep poking at Michael until he's hallucinating Ben and Brian going at it by the Soloflex. Yes, yes! Go at it by the Soloflex! Do it! "The sounds they make when they're coming," Ted says, and all of us are thrown out of the hallucination. What kind of friend would point this out? Michael starts pumping iron, and with each thrust, he imagines Ben and Brian thrusting, licking, biting, pushing, moaning, doing things that Mikey never got to do.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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