Queer as Folk U.S.
Out With A Whimper

Episode Report Card
Pamie: B- | Grade It Now!
"Ooh, Look, Honey! A Little Skit!"

Gym. Four and only four Stairmasters all in a row. Ted, Emmett, Michael, and Brian. Emmett can't believe that Ben wants to go to Tibet, what with the fact that he's had it as a life's dream and all. But it's hard to listen to Emmett, because every time he utters a syllable, Ted laughs like Emmett's cranking a finger into the top of Ted's thigh. He just laughs and laughs and laughs, talking about how funny Emmett is. Man, Ted's creepy. I know we've established that. But Ted with a crush is even fucking creepier. I don't know how that's possible. He looks like a serial killer, what with the scary twinkle in the eye and the PermaDimples on that forced smile. The tiny baby teeth. I want to cry. I'm that scared. Emmett is a little wigged by Ted's sudden Creepy Attention. Brian says that a monastery could be hot, considering he's already fucked a priest. Monks. The last unconquered territory for Brian Kinney. Monks and nuns. Wait, does Lindsay count? Yeah, she's practically a nun. The guys talk about how much it would suck to have to be celibate for six months, and how that'll probably make Ben decide not to go. You know, because Ben's the big dickhound of the group. Emmett says that orange is a color that looks good on absolutely nobody, so there's that. Cue Ted's overacting laughing. "Em's right!" he gushes. "You are SOOOOOOOO right!" God, quit it. We get it. Just jerk off on his leg and get it over with. Jesus. Emmett decides it's time to hit the showers. Brian calls him a pussy and says they've only been working out for ten minutes. Ted gives the World's Longest Comeback, a wordy sentence that equates their ten-minute workout to Brian's two-hour one, saying that their calorie burns are equal, since Brian spends one hour fifty just cruising guys. I couldn't make it briefer or funnier. Sorry about that. Ted practically rides Emmett's ass all the way to the showers.

Ethan's so gay. He wants Justin to come driving out to the country with him tonight so that they can watch the meteor shower. He trickles his hands down in the air to show what a meteor shower would look like. Justin says he can't, since Brian is throwing him a party. Ethan jokes that Brian's totally late on Justin's birthday. Justin says it's for the comic. Ethan takes about five minutes to turn around and say, "He must love you a lot." Justin says that Brian does, in his way. "But not in yours," Ethan says, rubbing Justin's cheek and leaning in for a kiss. That Ethan, he's a smarmy one. They kiss. Ethan leans back into Justin's arm. Justin remembers he has to leave. He stands up and starts dressing. Ethan pouts. He stands up and hands Justin his "latest CD." He tells Justin that he just gave him the very first copy. Justin's pleased to see that Ethan used his drawings for the artwork. "Check out the back," Ethan says. The CD is dedicated "For Justin." Justin has to read it out loud, though, because we're too stupid. They make out.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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