Emmett can't believe the prices at the restaurant where Ted's taken him to tell him that he's in love and wants to help raise the baby. Oh, wait. That's Joey and Rachel. My bad. Ted tells Em to just order whatever he wants. Em asks for the waiter, to go. Ted bristles with jealousy. Ted then drinks an entire glass of water. Oh, for fuck's sake. The water-drinking bit. Em can't believe how much water Ted's been drinking. Ted says he's thirsty. Em asks Ted why he's been acting so weird lately. Ted weirdly asks what Em means by weird. "Well, it's like you've got something to say, but you're not telling me," Em says. Ted starts to say what it is, but stops when the waiter comes by to pour another glass of water slowly. Then Ted starts to talk again, but stops to drink another full glass of water slowly. You'd think that Em would have dressed up for the fancy place. Ted coughs. We all wait. Ted says that he's never been lucky in love. He chases after one wrong boy one after another. "Poor baby," Em says. Ted says that he gave up hope finding anybody. "Then the other night...there he was." Em's so happy that Ted's found someone after all this time searching, and says that must be why Ted's been acting so strange. Em asks who this perfect boy is. Ted: "You." Em: "You, who?" Ted: "You, you." Em: "Me, you?" Ted: "Yes. You, you." Ted says that Em's the only one who hasn't run away from him once he got to know the real Ted. I'll say. Em's the only one who says Ted's adorable: "Who, with his little finger can lift my spirits even when they weigh three hundred pounds." Fire that writer! Fire him immediately! Jesus, what fucking bullshit is that? That had to have been approved by more than one person! I don't understand. "I love you, Emmett Honeycutt," Ted laughs. It is now Emmett's turn to drink the full glass of water. And...scene! And with that, I have to go to bed, since I feel really ill.
Okay. Next day. Post-jog. Sobriety. Coffee. Back to work. Brian's staring at his computer screen. Justin wants to talk. Brian holds up one finger and makes Justin wait again, just long enough for Brian to have pulled an unnecessary power play, reminding Justin just who the Alpha Dog is around this here fancy loft. Justin apologizes. "What for?" Brian asks. Justin says he didn't mean for it to happen. "I know," Brian says into his computer screen. "You were the poor, helpless victim of a love-bashing." Fire that writer, too. Justin says he should have told Brian. "And taken all the fun out of it?" Brian laughs. He asks Justin how big Ethan's dick is. Justin says that has nothing to do with it. "Since when?" Brian asks. Brian's "chart" that he's reading on his monitor looks like the cover art for The Mothman Prophecies. Brian moves in toward Justin's face and delivers the ultimate Queer as Folk monologue: "You love cock. You love it down your throat. You love it up your ass. You love riding it. And after you come, you love to fall asleep with it still inside you." No limits, people. ["Plus now when I write that in Pamie's birthday card next year, she'll think I'm copying the show." -- Wing Chun] Justin tries to get Brian to stop fucking with him. Brian points out that Justin's hard now, so there must be a ring of truth to what he just said. Justin pushes Brian away and says there are other things. "Flowers? Picnics? Violins," Brian tries. "He loves me," Justin whines. Brian mocks the "dreamy-eyed schoolboy." Justin says that Ethan loves Justin in ways that Brian can't. Brian corrects this by saying, "In ways that I won't." Justin: "He told me that I'm all he wants." Brian: "They're still using that one?" Justin is near tears as he says that it's more than Brian's ever said to him. Brian says something much more romantic every single day to Justin. Three little words that show how much he cares. How responsible and independent he is. Just three little words: "I'll get this." Justin, you'll miss those three words when they're gone. Brian mashes his face into Justin's and says that he's never going to say those things to Justin, and he'll never act that romantic, so he doesn't understand why Justin's still hanging around. "Would you care if I wasn't?" Justin says way too loudly and at an awkward pitch. Brian stares Justin in the eyes for a while and then says, "It's your call where you wanna be." I like how Brian keeps the position of power even when he's not in control of the situation. Justin mashes his face up in pain, unused to having to make choices about things. He just wants someone to tell him what to do and then punish him for being such a bad boy earlier.