Queer as Folk U.S.

Episode Report Card
Camper: C+ | Grade It Now!
These Folks is Queer

Brian's spacious and stylish Downtown Penthouse Loft. Brian walks in, takes off his shirt, heads straight for the refrigerator, and pulls a bottle of water. Justin hovers near the door, which Brian tells him to close. Justin takes a deep breath, steels himself, and pulls the door closed. Brian...okay, Brian stands in the middle of the loft, and POURS the entire bottle of water over his head. The camera focuses on the water dripping down his face, his hair, down his muscled chest...cough...um, right. So, Justin's response to this? "Nice kitchen," he says, looking terrified. ["I think if someone did that in front of me, I would have to laugh until I developed an aneurysm and then run away. Which is why it's a good thing I'm not a Hot Dancing Gay Boy." -- Wing Chun] Brian asks Justin if he likes Special K. Justin replies that it's okay, but he likes Cheerios better. Sigh. Brian, of course, meant drugs, and pulls a packet out of his back pocket, "mixed especially for [him] by [his] discopharmacologist." Is that an actual medical profession? Justin says that he can't, he's pretty much allergic to everything, including Tylenol. Brian says that Tylenol is what they give you when you're allergic to everything else. While they're talking, Brian's stripping down to his jockstrap. In the middle of his living room. But I guess it's his living room, and he can strip there if he wants. I don't really mind, I'm just saying. Justin's committed to finishing this conversation, though; he says that codeine is the worst for him, since it makes him vomit and have diarrhea. Brian pushes down the jockstrap: "Well, we'll be sure to keep that one on the top shelf." And there he is, in all his naked glory. Well, we just get to see his naked butt, but believe me, that's glorious enough.

Justin can't even produce drool.

"So," Brian asks, "are you coming or going? Or coming, and then going? Or coming and staying?" That's a lot of choices to give someone who no longer has any blood flowing to his brain. Justin takes off his jacket and joins Brian in the middle of the loft. The two start kissing, backed by dance music whose lyrics scream, "Man! Man! Boy! Boy! You think you're a man/you're only a boy! You think you're a MAN! You're only a BOY!" I am seriously not making this stuff up. The two continue to make out as the camera cuts and dips and weaves and circles them and does all kinds of neat tricks.

Ted drops Emmett and Michael off. Emmett notices that Michael's Cruiser has followed them and is parked across the street. Emmett reminds Michael that he hasn't had sex in quite some time, and just to go for it.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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