At the loft, Brian tosses Justin his clothes and tells him he has to go home. Justin asks what's going on. Brian says, "Everything." Deep. Also, illuminating. Justin says that he can't go home -- his parents think he's staying with a friend. Parents? Justin futzes that he's in college. He's twenty-one. A sophmore. Uh, a junior. Uh, a sophmore who's almost a junior. And smooooooth. Brian asks, "What year were you born?" Justin thinks and says 1979. Brian says no one has to think about what year they were born. Brian asks again, "How old are you, really?" Justin says he's twenty. Brian keeps looking at him. "Nineteen?" Brian's still looking at him. "Eighteen." Brian: "What is this, a missile launch?" No, that was a few minutes ago on the bed. Ba-dum-dum! Got a million of them, folks. All for you. And Justin's seventeen. Years old. As in, born the year Return of the Jedi came out. Which means I'm showing both my age and my geek quotient, but hey, you know I hide in the kitchen during sex scenes. We have no secrets. Right. So, Brian doesn't seem particularly upset, like you and I would be if we'd just committed a felony. "What is it with kids today?" Brian asks, laughing. "We just want to get laid like everyone else," Justin retorts with fake bravado. Brian asks him if he's ever had sex before. Justin eventually admits that he hasn't, and asks if Brian's mad. Brian says no, and that he was fourteen his first time. He then relates a story straight out of Playgirl -- not that I would know (cough, cough) -- about being in the locker room while his gym teacher was taking a shower, and walking right in there with all his clothes on, getting down on his knees, and giving the teacher a blow job. Justin is impressed. "Weren't you scared?" Brian: "I guess we're all a little scared our first time." He reaches for his cell phone and smiles. "But I don't remember anymore."
Brian picks up Michael. Michael's upset that Justin is still with him; Brian tells him Justin didn't have any place else to go.
Cut to a hospital hallway, Brian, Justin, and Michael, running, pushing each other playfully as they make their way.
Now comes the part where I actually started to like Brian. You can just imagine my disappointment. Brian, with Michael and Justin close behind, opens a room door. The place is filled with women who are stereotypically lesbian, and pull away from the bed to reveal Melanie, a short brunette, with her arm wrapped around Lindsay, blonde and holding a baby. Melanie's smile fades when she sees Brian. Lindsay looks delighted. "Say hello to your son," Lindsay coos. "Oh my God," Brian and I both reply -- he in shock, me in horror. He makes his way through the Disapproving Lesbians to the bed and says that he's disappointed that he wasn't there when Lindsay gave birth: "After all, how often do I get to see snatch?" The Disapproving Lesbians, including Melanie, are disgusted. Lindsay and I laugh. Brian picks up the baby. Melanie snaps at him to be careful. Brian more or less ignores her. Lindsay says that Melanie wants to name him Abraham, after her grandfather, while Lindsay wants to name him Gus. Brian turns around and asks Justin which one he likes best. Justin says that "he wouldn't survive a day in school named Abraham, but Gus is okay. I like Gus." "Thank you very much, " snaps Melanie, "and who the hell are you?" Definitely a people person. She and I are going to get along just fine, I can tell. Brian -- for shock value, of course -- tells Melanie (while having to be reminded of his name) that Justin was the one who came all over him while Brian was on the phone with her. The Disapproving Lesbians are obediently disgusted. Couldn't help it, Brian says -- he's only seventeen. The Disapproving Lesbians are both shocked and disgusted! Ten points for Brian! Lindsay winces, too, but she's laughing at the same time. And I like her for that, oddly. I have friends who -- while not that extreme -- are just inappropriate, especially at the most inappropriate times, and you still love and support them because they're your friends. Sure, Brian doesn't just have a nice ass, he is one, but really, what are ya gonna do? I am somewhat surprised that he's not afraid one these righteous babes might call Child Services on him, but Brian doesn't seem to give a fuck about much. Oh, well. And, no, I'm not saying it's right that he had sex with a seventeen-year-old. Okay? Okay. Melanie: "So, you and Lindsay both had an infant tonight." Right. But don't go thinking that's the last of the "Brian had a baby, too" jokes. This is, after all, American television, and we don't do subtlety here. You've been warned. Brian makes a comment about the difference being that Justin won't suck on his tits unless he wants him to, and extinguishes my good will. That didn't last long. "Gus." Brian intones, holding his son up to his face. "It is a good butch name." Bastard. He's cute with the baby. The baby reaches out and grazes Brian's face. So cute! Michael takes a picture. Awww. Put down the baby so I can hate you, you jerk! Gah!