Brian and Mike head back to Lindsay's room. They pass a male nurse in the hallway, who gives Brian "The Look." Michael's bemused. "I fucked him," Brian says. "You looked at him," Michael replies. "I fucked him," Brian repeats. "In that two seconds, we did it all." Michael snorts, "How was it?" Brian, popping a pill in his mouth says, "Fabulous." So, basically, even Brian's fantasy life is better than your sex life. Damn shame. Thanks for playing, Mikey. Michael mother-hens Brian (we'll see soon enough where that trait comes from) that he's "going to go in there, say goodnight to Lindsay and the baby, get some sleep, get up and go to work to support [his] kid for the next twenty years." Might have helped if you'd been able to stop him from popping that pill. All bets are pretty much off now.
Brian shows up right before Gus is taken back to the nursery, and gets to hold him one last time. He's cute with the baby again. I have never hated him more. Lindsay sends Melanie out for some ice and a ginger ale. Brian's very sweet with Lindsay, too. Lindsay helps make Brian's character human. Too bad she can't do that with Melanie. "Here we are, Ma and Pa," Brian says, giving Lindsay a hug. Lindsay, hormones whacked out, bursts into tears. But they're happy tears. She thinks. She's not sure. That causes more crying. She says, jokingly, that they're finally adults. In his best Peter Pan voice, Brian says, "Don't say that, Wendy! We'll never grow up." And he means that.
Lindsay [chuckling]: Do you think it's too late to return him?
Brian: Maybe we should ask.
Lindsay: Don't be scared. If our parents could fuck up, so can we.
Brian tells Lindsay that he would have had sex with her, if he'd had to. Lindsay and I both roll our eyes. Lindsay reminds him that he had plenty of chances. Brian: "Took advantage of a few, as I recall." Lindsay: "Wasn't half bad." Brian: "Now you tell me! You mean I could have been straight this whole time?" Lindsay, smiling: "I wouldn't say that." Dear Writers: More of these two, please. I don't mind so much not hating Brian, I'm just not getting very many chances. Thank you. Brian leans in for a kiss just as Mel walks back in. She avoids an epileptic seizure by that much.
Brian and Michael find Justin in the hallway, having his palm read by one of the Disapproving Lesbians. Brian grabs him by the ear and says, "It's far too lesbionic out here for a young boy."