Oh! They put the Viewer Discretion Advisory back at the beginning of the episode. Could it be? Yes! Harvey Fierstein's back! Yay! Dear Producers: Pay the man. Make him stay. Love, Camper. Harvey could teach a master's class in suggestive eye rolling, and I'm willing and eager to learn.
Liberty Diner. As Mike and David exit and walk down the street, David tells Mike that his fantasy is waking up to hear someone in the shower, singing softly in order not to disturb him. David says that he gets up, goes into the bathroom, and sees, through the shower door, "the shape of the man I love." Gack. Mike snarks, "Am I conditioning my hair at the time?" Ha! David says he's serious. I think he's got to be kidding. How long have these two been going out, again? Not long enough. Dave repeats his request that Mike move in with him. Mike notices, loudly, that there's an X-Men display in the video store window they're passing. (Chris Potter did the voice of Gambit in the X-Men cartoon series, by the way. My side job as DVD Easter Egg never ends.) Anyway, David persists: Mike still hasn't given him an answer. Mike says that he's still thinking about it. David says that he doesn't want to put any pressure on him. The universe screams back, "Too late!" David adds, "I just believe that when somebody knows what they want, they should go after it. I want you to be coming out of that shower. And I want to know that you're not going to run out." Mike looks like he's wondering where the keys to the shackles are. Dave squeezes Mike's shoulder, asking, "Wouldn't you like that, too?" Getting a little creepy there, Rasputin. Back the hell off. Mike promises to give him an answer soon, and then confirms that he and David are still having brunch the next day. As David turns his car alarm off, Mike grins, "No one's ever put me in a fantasy before." David winks at him, "That you know of." Coop, watching with me, notices the apoplectic seizure I'm having on the floor and casually asks what's up. I tell him that these two have been going out for about as long as we have -- it's like if he all of a sudden asked me to move in with him. Behold the snugglebunny's answer: "Wha? Wha, uh, it's too early for that, isn't it?!" Is what I'm saying! And he gets massive credit for not leaving a Coop-sized hole in my doorway when I asked.
The Happy Fun House. Lindsay's raking leaves as Melanie stands by, holding the baby. They wave to a straight couple pushing a stroller in front of the house. Lindsay says that the man stays at home with the baby. Melanie asks who pays the bills. Odd question. If he stays at home, then his wife most likely works, right? Like it just occurred to her, Lindsay continues that she would love to stay at home. Melanie says that it's a good idea -- they can order Chinese food and rent Terms of Endearment. Lindsay explains that, no, she wants to stay home with the baby. Melanie asks about her job; Lindsay breezes, "Do you think anyone ever looks back on their life and said, 'Gee, I wish I hadn't taken that year off to be with the baby.'" Some people don't have a choice, Lindsay. I'm smiling through gritted teeth while I type this, FYI. Melanie reminds her that the plan was for her to go back to work, and for them to get a nanny for Gus, but Lindsay coos, nuzzling the baby, "I know, but I never thought I'd be in love like this." Melanie sighs that it would be great if one of them could stay at home with the baby, but that they don't have the dough. Lindsay unsuccessfully tries to blow off the money issue. Melanie asks if she has another solution, and Lindsay mentions Brian. Melanie narrows her eyes: "After what he did?" Lindsay meekly points out that they wouldn't have Gus without him, and Melanie darkly replies, "And every time I look at [Gus], hold him, kiss him, I realize I have absolutely no rights." A big elephant wearing a sign that says, "You're a lawyer; why didn't you take care of this before he was born?" stomps through the yard unnoticed. Lindsay tells Melanie that she is "every bit as much his parent" as Lindsay is, and Melanie scowls, in her overdramatic, Emperor's March kind of way, "Not every bit. I have no more claims to our son than if he was a total stranger." And with that, she sweeps back into the house with Gus. Dude, it's the least Brian can do. If he wants to be a parent, let him be a parent. He just gave Lindsay $2000 a couple of weeks ago, and there's more where that came from. Use him, abuse him and call him "Dad," I say.