Justin and Daphne. Daphne asks whether Brian is Justin's boyfriend. Justin says they just met. Daphne asks if Justin loves Brian. Justin confesses that he does. Daphne asks if Brian said that he loved Justin. Justin says that Brian did say it...right before he came! The Gay Men/Straight Girl World Coalition falls out laughing, except for one girl in the corner, who sticks a finger in her Judith Krantz novel as a bookmark and mutters, "I dunno. He might have meant it." RedDev turns to me and says, "Dude, did you invite her?"
In the bathroom, the Married Guy's stalling. Fidgeting, even. A lot. Finally he reaches to shake Brian's hand, and tells him it's been a pleasure. Brian: "It can be even more of one." Married Guy: "Excuse me?" Um. Duh. Brian rolls his eyes, and practically throws him into a stall. Brian moves in to like, inhale his entire face, and MG tries to stop him, saying, "I don't kiss." What, if you don't kiss men, you're not really gay? Oh, geez, that's probably it, huh? What a maroon. Brian ignores him, anyway. Brian pushes him face first into the stall, all to pulsing, aggressive music.
Okay, so you see the juxtaposition here, right? Justin's all, we're in love, and Brian's all, I'm gonna fuck the closeted gay man! And ne'er the twain shall meet.
Michael's having different problems. A young cashier, whom Michael calls Tracy, asks him if one of the guys can help her move a bunch of boxes. Michael agrees, and she scampers off. Marly, standing behind him, sneers, "Someone needs to tell her that Princess Di died, and they're not looking for a replacement." Yeah, and someone needs to tell Fat Marly that Mimi from The Drew Carey Show is alive, that she just called, and she wants her shtick back. Michael thinks Tracy is sweet. Marly completely switches gears: Oh, you think she's sweet, huh? Mike: Uh, yeah. Marly: And cute? Mike: Uh, sure. Turns out Tracy, heretofore known as SOL, is also crushing on the Ball-less Wonder, and Marly volunteered to scout out the sitch for her. Marly says she's never heard him say that he liked a girl before. He says he likes girls. Yeah, Mikey, like I like girls. They're fun to hang out with, but I don't want to have sex with them, either. Dude. It is physically painful watching you do this shit. P-Mimi tells him to meet them all for a drink after work at some place called Shoeless Joe's.
The Gym. Mikey's fuming. Emmett and Ted are basically ignoring him in favor of scoping out some guy in the corner; Emmett says he slept with him, and that he comes off as "a brutal top, but he's a big nelly bottom." I love Emmett. Ted: "I could have told you that." Hah! Michael's mad at them for not paying attention. Emmett assures him that they got it, and why doesn't he just tell the truth? Ted and Michael snort at his naïveté. Michael could be held back at work -- or worse, lose his job altogether. Ted tells Emmett that Michael isn't an obviously gay man, like Emmett is, and it's not easy in the straight world. Emmett lisps, "Are you saying I'm obvious?" Ted: "If the fuck-me-pumps fit..." I like Ted, too, but he just seems so sad. Emmett says that he, too, could act like "a real man." But he'd rather "let [his] flame burn bright. Instead of letting it be a puny little pilot light." If anyone can think of a way that I can bottle him up and carry him around with me, please let me know. Ted tells Mike to stay on the path of least resistance, which is what he always does, and look where's it's gotten him. He's being set up with a girl. He's halfway to being that guy that Brian's having sex with in the restroom, and -- oh, wait, could this be Mike's secret strategy to get Brian? Nah, he's not that bright. Might have worked, though. Emmett hands Michael a football magazine so he can "bone up" (snarf), "in case the conversation veers from Liza's weight problem."