"Hey, Dawson," Brian smirks, "How's the Creek?" Whatever, Brian. Why don't you just ignore him, like any other man would? Emmett finishes his song and gets off stage with a flourish, "You know, for a gay white boy, I'd make a fucking fabulous black woman." Uh, yeah, I love you, Emmett, I do, but take it from this fucking fabulous black woman -- it isn't as easy as it looks. Ask Daphne if you don't believe me. Ted offers to buy everyone a drink, but Brian wants to move on: "I've had everyone here." Justin looks hurt. The Gay Man/Straight Girl World Coalition winces. BURN. Michael, once again trying to keep up, says, "You haven't had me." Brian replies, "Oh, yeah?" Michael's on a roll tonight, apparently. Ted and Emmett insist that Brian tell the story: one day when Brian and Michael were fourteen, they were upstairs in Michael's room with a celebrity magazine, lusting off a picture of Patrick Swayze. Michael got a woody, Brian was just about to take care of that for him...and Michael's mom walked in without knocking. Justin, happy to be included in the hijinks, laughs: "They always do." And then he sticks a knife in my chest by continuing, "Dirty Dancing. That's a really old movie." "Really old"? "Really old"? Brian replies, "It's not that old." Yeah! Brian and I were only...Justin's...age...when that came out. Oh, GOD. Justin: "How old are you?" ignoring the thunder overhead. Brian, making the exact mistake I made on a hill in Tuscany a few months ago, asks, "How old do you think I am?" Justin gives the same answer I got: "Thirty-three?" Ted, Emmett, and Michael bust up. So, this is all a flashback to an awkward travel story for me, only there was no laughter. Anywhere. Thirty-three. I do not freakin' look thirty-three. Ted tells Justin that Brian is twenty-nine: "Only a year to go until thirty, and then he might as well be dead!" Brian: "You would know." Brian bolts outside under an angry little black cloud. He really does give good Sneer, which is fortunate, since it's his principal expression. Makes you feel like he's doing you a favor by holding you in utter contempt.
Michael, Ted, and Emmett follow Brian out to the Jeep, but Brian's not interested in any of them joining him. Michael yells at Brian for leaving him with Justin, that Justin is Brian's responsibility. I don't quite get that; he didn't come...uh, show up with Justin, so how is Justin his responsibility anywhere other than in a court of law? Brian snaps at Michael that his only responsibility is to himself, and I'm sort of agreeing with him here. I mean, after all, the kid did say that Brian looked like he was thirty-three. To hell with him. Michael tells Brian to calm down. Brian hugs him tightly, and then bails. Gale Harold needs to work on those emotional changes; I'm not sure if that hug was, "I understand that you're being a good friend, but I gotta go." Or "I know that me hugging you is going to distract you from nagging me, and this is the best way for me to get the hell out of here without having to listen to any more of your crap." Given the context, either one is possible. Emmett asks Michael if he wants to go to Babylon, and not to waste his Friday night just because Brian is once again being an uncompromising asshole. Ted says that he's not in the mood for Babylon, and they should go to Boytoy: "I haven't been snubbed by a twinkie in weeks." What's he doing chasing after twinkies? Yeah, I know, all of a sudden, I'm an expert. Just asking. Mike says they can't just leave Justin, and Ted tells him it's not their problem. "Oh, it's my problem?" Michael asks. "No," Ted shoots back, "Brian is your problem." "Let him clean up his own messes for a change," Emmett agrees. Word. Justin got there by himself, he can leave by himself. Make sure he has a way home, and then go on with your pathetic life.
But of course, Mike bails on the guys to hang out with Justin. They end up at the Liberty Diner, sitting at the bar. Justin is pouting, "I came all the way to see him, and he doesn't want anything to do with me," severely trying the patience of the GM/SGWC. Mike, speaking for all of us, tells Justin that Brian is not his boyfriend. Justin whines that Michael just doesn't un-der-sta-annd! The things we did! The way he kissed meeeeeee! You just don't know! You don't know ANYTHING!!!! The GM/SGWC sighs heavily. But we're not bitter. Michael says that Brian is a selfish prick, and that Justin should forget about him. The GM/SGWC starts a pool. I've got twenty bucks riding on NOT. The bartender, Debbie -- played by Sharon Gless wearing a red fright wig, a t-shirt that says something or another, and a rainbow-colored vest covered with gay-friendly buttons -- steps up to take their order, cheerful as all hell: "Hiya, boys," she says with a thousand-watt smile. "You getting any tonight?" Michael is appalled. And who can blame him? She looks like she just got off-shift at the circus headlining as "P-FLAG The Clown." Michael introduces Justin, saying he's "new." But not as new as he was last night. Sorry, it just popped out. I mean, I couldn't help it. You know what I mean. Debbie tells Justin that he's adorable, and "every guy in here has his eye on you tonight, sweetheart!" Justin perks up and looks around the diner to see if she's right. Love is a fickle thing, isn't it? Michael orders the chicken-fried steak, "with no remarks," and Justin will have a bacon cheeseburger. Because he's just a kid. In case you forgot since it was last implied five minutes ago. Debbie tells him to say "please." Michael says please. "Coming right up," Debbie says perkily. " After all, you can't cruise all night on an empty stomach!" She pats Justin's cheek in passing. Once she leaves Justin snorts, "What a freak!" Michael: "She takes some getting used to, but once you do, you can't help but love her." Justin's like, whatever. Sharon returns with Michael's food. "Thanks, Mom," Michael says with a sweet smile, and kisses her on the cheek. "You're welcome, baby," she coos. Justin's jaw drops to the bar. Michael presses his cheek to Debbie's so that Justin can see that they look alike -- and the odd thing is, they kinda do.