Wacky subplot alert! Mel and Lindz are watching a how-to videotape on renovating an attic. The how-to girl likes to say, "It's a snap!" while she snaps. Mel and Lindz are dressed in their worker gear as Brian walks up behind them. "Who's this crazy bitch?" he asks. For some reason, Mel and Lindz have to explain to us that this is a how-to video, and that the hardware store salesperson told them to follow this how-to video so they can learn how to renovate their attic. I am not retarded. I wish they'd stop writing these scripts as though I were. Brian says the girls have already fucked up. They're not wearing pearls like the Martha Stewart on the screen. The first part of the video involves measuring wood lengthwise. The how-to girl tells Mel and Lindz to keep a measuring tape on a keychain so they have it at all times. Brian tells the girls that they're measuring the wood the wrong way. He says that if there's one thing he knows, it's measuring wood. Oh, fuck me, this show is getting so stupid. The girls turn the wood the other way and measure again. Lindsay says this is all so easy, and they don't need Leda. Brian asks if Lindsay's jealous of Leda. Lindsay laughs for half an hour about how ridiculous that is. Brian asks why they wouldn't let Leda help them. Lindsay and Melanie and the world say that they know Lindsay thinks they can do it themselves. The lady on the screen cuts plywood with a powersaw as she brags that she keeps the sawdust for mulch in the spring. Lindsay puts on her protective goggles and turns on the saw. She screams as the saw comes to life. She almost cuts Mel in half. Brian shouts, "What kind of a dyke are you? You can't even handle power tools." Do they only have the one lesbian joke? Because I'm tired of it. Lindsay almost cuts Brian in half as they tell him to go downstairs and be with the unattended Gus. Lindsay almost cuts everything and everyone in half as the girl on the screen delivers the punch line, "It's a snap!" God.
Pickle's service. How many days has it been since he died? A distinguished gentleman says nice things about Pickle, calling Mrs. Pickle his "devoted wife, Virginia." Ted and Emmett are very, very late for the service and walk in talking. Not rude at all. Ted remarks on how many A-list people are in attendance. Jesus, Ted, give it a fucking rest. Emmett says that none of these people had anything to do with Pickle while he was alive. Why is Emmett half an hour late to the service? Emmett and Ted walk all the way down the aisle and practically sit next to Mrs. Pickle, talking the entire time. Just as they start wrapping up the service, Ted tells Emmett it's time for him to speak. Emmett stands up and starts walking toward the front, interrupting and saying he'd like to talk. Mrs. Pickle motions for Security, and guards escort Emmett out (as he shouts, "I'm more than a friend!") of the service as the minister continues the ceremony. Ted follows Emmett out, shouting for them to take their hands off Emmett. Why crash a funeral and then get upset when they don't let you talk?