Queer as Folk U.S.
Rage Against This Machine

Episode Report Card
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Watch Him As He Goes

Morning. Michael and Justin are snuggling in bed. They put their hands down to Justin's cock and wake up to re-enact a Planes, Trains and Automobiles scene. Each thought the other was his boyfriend. How could Michael think that scrawny Justin was giant Ben for a second? How could he get his arm around Ben's giant thigh to even reach his cock? Michael and Justin realize they fell asleep together. Justin calls out Brian's name. They figure he slept on the couch. Justin sees the damage first, and calls out to Michael. Their stuff's been trashed. They are unhappy.

Brian stares into his cup of black coffee. He's at the diner. Justin and Michael storm in, pissed off. "Did you do this?" Michael asks as he holds up a piece of paper. It's got Rage drawn on it, and it's soaked in Brian's urine. Gross! He's holding up a pee page. They demand an answer, but Brian won't give one. "You are totally fucked," Justin says. Michael can't believe that Brian would pee on their things. Debbie hears the word "piss" and perks up to listen in. Justin complains that they spent hours on that work. Michael wants an explanation. Justin calls Brian the world's biggest prick. Brian says nothing and goes back to his paper. The boys start to leave, outraged. "One last thing," Michael says, as he pushes the pee page over to Brian. "You're the one that's pathetic." Ooooh. Burn. This time the boys really do leave. Debbie walks over with a pot of coffee, wearing a shirt that reads "Labia? I hardly even know ya." She slams the pot down beside Brian. He asks for a couple of minutes before she gets her round at him. Debbie replies, "Article fourteen of the Supermom handbook says no kicking assholes when they're down. They might take away my halo." Brian actually says, "I'm not an asshole; I'm just drawn that way." Can I cancel this show? Can we stop this madness? Can I get one line that doesn't completely suck? Debbie informs Brian that he is, in fact, an asshole. Brian says he thought she wasn't going to beat him up. Debbie asks to finish. She says she understands: he's jealous. "I don't do jealous," Brian says. "Jealous is for lesbians." Debbie: "Then you'd better start liking pussy." I can't even think of anything to say. All of my synapses have fired at once and I just keep opening my mouth like Ozzy trying to figure out which kid to ground first. Debbie tells Brian there's a little green-eyed monster inside of him eating at his gut. Brian says he thought that was the coffee. This wins Debbie over, and she smiles. She says he doesn't fool her. She knows he loves the hell out of those boys -- otherwise he wouldn't care that they're spending time together and sharing something he's not a part of. Debbie yanks Brian's face over to force him to look at her, and tells him that the boys feel the same way about him. Gale tries not to shriek or squirm when forced into that proximity to Sharon's made-up face. Debbie holds the pee paper up with fingers that will soon touch the food of patrons, and points out that those boys are only making a hero-worship comic book. "You're their fucking hero," she says again. Jesus, we all get it. "At least you were," she says, as she leaves to put her pee hands on toast.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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