Mimi Rogers is back. Must find this woman's gay creds. Maybe she's just a long-time fruit fly or something. I mean, there was that marriage to Tom Cruise. I'm joking. Please, Mr. Cruise, send no flesh-eating lawyers this way. ["I thought it was because she was in Showtime's gay-themed mini-series A Girl Thing, but I was thinking of Kate Capshaw." -- Wing Chun] Anyway, Mimi breaks last week's ep down: King of Babylon, Justin wins, steals Brian's trick, Vic gets arrested for indecent exposure, etc.
Random hotel ballroom. To applause, a disembodied voice introduces Adam Lyons, who will present this year's Atlas Awards. Adam Lyons -- a nice young man with floppy hair -- strides to the podium. Adam conveniently expositions, "At Kennedy and Collins, where I work in New York, we have a saying: 'The only thing better than great sex is a great ad campaign.'" One hopes their ad campaigns are catchier than their motto. The camera cuts to Brian, sitting at a table next to his assistant, Cynthia. Brian, as usual, looks bored out of his mind. Adam continues that when he was trying to pick the Ad Person of the Year (of the whole world? Just in Pittsburgh? He's not saying), he was looking for "someone who could 'give great ad.' Someone whose work would make me stand up and take notice." Hmm. Could be a double meaning in that. I mean, it's so subtle and all. Adam announces that this year's winner of the Atlas is... Brian Kinney! Brian's all cool with it. Cynthia smiles, kisses him slowly on the cheek, wiggles her eyebrows and drawls, "Go get him, tiger...the award, I mean." Cynthia's fun. Brian walks up to the podium, accepts the award, shakes Adam's hand, and whispers, "Care to test that saying?" God. So, of course, later on, as the shmoozing rages down below, Brian and Adam have sex up on a balcony. More fake sex. Yay. Cynthia stands guard at the entrance, because straight women don't get to have their own lives on this show.
Chez Novotny, Vic sits on the couch with his hands tightly clenched, telling Melanie Marcus how he got arrested for indecent exposure. He, of course, has to point out that he had his dick out in the restroom when the guy next to him started cruising him. "Groundbreaking" television must include the word "dick" as often as possible. My tenure here has made me a bitter woman, folks. No lie. Melanie Marcus, dressed in a black sleeveless turtleneck and nice slacks, asks whether Vic cruised him back. Not only does she look kick-ass this whole episode, but she gets something important to do. Michelle Clunie must be so happy. Vic says that he was just trying to go to the restroom. Mike storms in and says that the same thing happened to this guy at his gym. This "guy" was walking his dog. He started talking to this other guy, who invited him back to his place and then busted him. Justin, over in the corner, marvels that the police could actually do that. Melanie Marcus snorts that they can do anything they want. Justin shakes his head: "Fuck that. You'd better fight it." Debbie tells Justin not to put ideas in Vic's head. Huh? Justin points out that she urged him to fight for the Gay/Straight Student Alliance. Debbie says that this is different: "You're eighteen, and you're healthy." What?! Debbie asks Melanie Marcus what their other options are. MM says that Vic could always plead guilty. Justin looks skeptical. Mike asks whether Vic would have to go to jail; Melanie says that, since it's a first offense, he'd just have to pay a fine. Is it still a first offense even though he was caught with marijuana in his car a few years back? Does that count? Why am I asking? Does it matter? ["I think she means it's a first offense of this kind." -- Wing Chun] Vic says that he'll take it. MM points out that the rap will be on his record permanently, too, and that he'll have to register with the police as a sex offender. Nice. Vic sighs, "Well, there goes my shot at the Supreme Court." Justin repeats that Vic could plead not guilty. Since he's not guilty and all. Debbie tells Justin to shush. Melanie Marcus tells Vic that if he tries to fight it, he'll have to get up in front of a jury, be cross-examined by "some young, aggressive prosecutor from the D.A.'s office" -- as opposed to the public defender's office; thanks for the explanation, MM -- with the cop who busted him sitting in the front row. Vic says that he just can't do it. Debbie adds that he can't take any more stress. Which I would understand if they even showed that he was suffering from the effects of stress as it is. Which they haven't. Am I honestly supposed to believe that, just so he can skip what will amount to a few days' worry, Vic is willing to plead guilty to a crime he didn't commit? Especially one as political as this is? Seriously? Anyway, Mike says that it'll just be a misdemeanor on his record: "Who's going to know?" Well, at least now we know how he learned to navigate the path of least resistance. Justin answers, "He will."