Queer as Folk U.S.
Sick, Sick, Sick

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Sick, Sick, Sick

Emmett is very upset that the lawyers called him a hustler. Ted takes this opportunity both to mock Emmett and to touch the crystal dick again at the same time, saying that Emmett is an award-winning hustler porn star. Michael says there's nothing to worry about, since Mel's such a good lawyer. Emmett tells Ted and Michael what she's planning on doing. Apparently none of this has sunk in with Em, and he doesn't realize why Pickle's people wouldn't want the tape leaked to the press. So Ted explains it for him. They're gay and Pickle's people aren't. Ohhhhh. And for those of you who watch this episode more than once, look how Hal Sparks goes into Rain Man mode on this monologue and just rocks himself forward and backward, trying to look like he's "listening" and "agreeing," but it mostly looks like his Ritalin wore off. The phone rings. Ted says that this money is "practically" Emmett's because of Mel's brilliant idea to tell the public that Pickle was gay. He says that they should go out and celebrate, with a strange series of snaps and lip-biting. Michael mumbles as quickly as he can as he answers the phone, "Yeah, soon as Ben gets here." Now, here's where something went terribly wrong in the taping process. Either they forgot to write something or they decided to let Em and Ted adlib for a second as Michael gets the bad news that Ben isn't "getting there" any time soon. Emmett wasn't really going to wait for him anyway, as Ted helps Emmett into his coat and they awkwardly mumble that the money will really be Emmett's again and there's nothing to worry about. Michael says he'll be "right there," and hangs up the phone. Ted grabs Emmett's stomach and wiggles it, asking if Michael wants steak or lobster. Michael takes a very long time and then turns around. They cut the scene before he can deliver his next line poorly.

Justin flips through some of his drawings as Brian comes home. Brian's in his own world wondering what he's going to do about Outback Steakhouse, and Justin's complaining to himself that Brian doesn't care about him by staging a conversation between the two of them about how much Brian misses Justin while he's at work. It's not like Justin's asking Brian about his job and why it's been stressing him so much lately that for the first time in their relationship it seems the job is coming first, perhaps because he has a new boss and just made partner. At least Justin's got the monotone falsity of Brian's voice down. Brian finally notices that Justin's talking to himself and teases him gently for it. "And what's with the little voice?" he asks. "Are you...planning...to become...a ventriloquist?" Justin pouts, "That's one way to hear what you want." Oh, poor little baby. Do your homework. Brian finally asks Justin how he liked his trip. Justin smiles and says it wasn't much fun without Brian. Brian asks why Justin didn't say he was going. "I didn't think you cared," Justin says. Brian holds up his work and says there were things he had to do. Can't these two just talk to each other instead of always only saying one-third of the amount of words they need to say? Justin asks if Brian missed him. Brian answers the way he always does: he slams Justin into a pole and fucks the shit out of him. Ah, young love. Yikes, that must be cold. And I understand that they use condoms because they keep showing us, but either Justin's ass can't hold back a fart or they use some goopy condoms. Man, I just grossed myself out. I hate it when I do that.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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