Queer as Folk U.S.
Smells Like Codependence

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Brian, Brian, Brian, Oy, Oy, Oy

The Garage at the Taylor Manse. Craig surveys the damage to the front fender of his car. Like we couldn't guess it was him. Jenny walks in and asked what the hell happened. Craig lies that some guy in a jeep backed into him. Couldn't get his info, because it was dark, and the jerk drove off. Justin takes a peek, and then walks away, uninterested. Craig yells that Justin's not leaving, and Justin snorts, "Now I'm a prisoner?" Craig says that he knows what happened at school: "So, what, now you're flaunting yourself in front of everyone?" I get a brief mental picture of Justin in nothing but a boa and a pair of tightie-whities, skipping around the locker room, shrieking, "Wheee!" Not quite. Justin says he wasn't flaunting himself; Chris Hobbes started it. Craig says that he's not going back there anyway, because they're sending him away to school: "It's time for you to learn some discipline -- how to be a man." Justin smirks, "I know all about discipline. And you should see me take it like a man." Craig slaps him into 2002. Jenny's shocked and tries to get between them. Justin pushes her away and tells her it didn't hurt, and then he gets in his father's face and says, "If you want to hit me, go ahead. Only I'm not going to cry like some little faggot. And if you want to send me away, that's all right, too. Because I bet you more fucking goes on at boarding school than in the back room at Babylon. But whatever you do, it's not going to matter, because I'll still be your queer son." And with that, Justin stalks down the driveway. Huge hairy ones. I'm green with envy.

Brian's loft. The whole cast, sans Mike, has gathered to minister to Brian in his time of need. They get about the appreciation you'd expect: Lindsay hands him a cup of tea, but it's too hot. Ted tries to give him an ice pack for his head, but it's too cold. Melanie: "What are you, Goldilocks?" Seriously. I give St. L. mad props for even getting her over there in the first place, though. Emmett tries to take Brian's temperature, telling him to roll over, and everyone chortles, 'cause Emmett's so fun-ny. Brian laughs, too: "You're not sticking that up my ass!" Ted: "Geez, that accident must have really jarred your brain!" Brian says that it wasn't an accident -- that the guy hit him a couple of times. Melanie, Lesbian Lawyer, asks whether Brian got a license-plate number. Justin, suspicious, asks Brian what type of car it was, and then when Brian tells him, jumps up. Omigod! It was his dad! Melanie: "Now why would he want to do something like that?" For the good of humanity, perhaps? Justin explains what's being going on at the Taylor Manse, and that his dad wants to send Brian to jail and Justin to boarding school. Brian tells him not to be a drama princess. Aw, but Justin's got the sash and crown and everything! St. L. tells him to be careful, anyway, but they all seem pretty unconcerned about it; I mean, this guy tried to kill Brian. Brian's not dead. Craig might try again, you know. Brian says not to worry about him, he's invincible -- and to prove it, leaps over the couch and turns on the stereo, announcing, "It's time to party!" He grabs Justin -- Ten Points for the Teenager! -- and they dance. Melanie and Lindsay start to make out, and Emmett tries to teach Ted how to boogie. It's like some weird, trippy scene from a gay version of Beach Blanket Bingo.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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