The Big Q Mart. Mike's on the floor when Marlys comes running up to tell him that there's a fire in the back. Mike races back with her...and finds that the "fire" is a bunch of candles on a makeshift birthday cake. All the Q-Martyrs yell "Surprise!" and clap in their little blue vests. Mike asks how they found out, and Marlys replies that Tracy told them: "She knows everything about you." SOL adds, blushing, "Not everything." Betcha she had the Fast-Action Blinders Barbie when she was a kid. Mike blows out the candles, and Tracy kisses him sweetly on the mouth and wishes him a happy birthday. Subtle. Real subtle.

Yes, I know, everyone's getting harshed on. Back off. I've had a rough week. Plus, we're all aware that sometimes the best thing that can be said for the writing on QaF is this: it sure beats whatever five monkeys with pencils could do, doesn't it? Grr. Arrgh. Anyways...

Mike and Brian hit the sauna. Lots of heavily breathing men share the sauna with them, which only increases my hostility. A minute without cheese, people. That's all I ask. Mike prattles on about the party the Q-Martyrs threw for him. Brian really couldn't care less. Mike whines about being reminded that his best years are behind him. And as much as I'd like to snap his neck like a twig, I have to admit, if he's right, that might be the saddest thing I've ever frickin' heard. Brian's still not caring, but in a way that allows him to check out the naked guy who just sat down next to him. Mike checks to make sure that Brian isn't going to throw a party for him; Brian says he isn't. Mike grumps, "I want that day to pass without a single reminder that I'll never be young and cute again." Should I take that one? Naahhh. Brian's done paying attention, and checks out another guy who's sat down next to the naked guy. I should say something about the naked guy. Let's see. He's naked. And for his sake, let's hope it's just cold on the set. Brian snarks, "Well, that's why you should have kept the good doctor around; you'll always be younger and cuter than him." Younger, maybe. Cuter, no way. Damn. Made me take the easy shot. Ugh. Will this week never end?! Mike says that he thought Brian couldn't stand David. Brian asks, "When did I ever say that?" Mike rolls his eyes: "Every chance you got?" C'mon, Mike, you couldn't possibly have expected Brian to be paying attention to what he was saying if he wasn't talking about himself! Hello?! Brian says that maybe David wasn't so bad, and Mike snaps, "Well, now's a hell of a time to tell me!" Brian asks if Mike broke up with David because of him, and Mike says he didn't. Brian replies, "Good. Because we can't spend the rest of our fucking lives together." First of all, Mike didn't break up with David, David broke up with him. Mike still wanted to go out, but David wanted "a partner" or some gunk like that.