The clinic. Emmett can't sit still, and Ted can't do anything to make him sit still. Cute Medic Guy approaches them, and Emmett's like, JUST TELL ME! So Medic Guy tells him: Emmett's check bounced. Ted pulls out sixty dollars and grumbles that Emmett can pay him back. Emmett, who doesn't get it, yet, snaps, "Who gives a shit about sixty bucks, I'll leave it to you in my will, can I have my test results, please?" Medic Guy, bemused, tells him he's fine. Emmett starts to cry again. Medic Guy adds, meaningfully, "So, uh, how would you like to celebrate?" Emmett gulps, "I'm sorry, I'm busy." Huh? Medic Guy shrugs and says he'll see them around, then. Ted watches him leave and comments, "He's cute. If you don't want him, I'll take him." Yeah, seriously. Emmett sighs, "You can have him. I made a promise to God." Ted doesn't understand. Emmett explains that he promised God that if his results were negative, he'd never have sex with another man. Ted, not even bothering to be skeptical, nods, "Uh huh." Oh, goody, another exercise in futility, which, I suppose, will create laughter and hijinks throughout next week's episode. Can't wait.
Back at the loft, Brian lies on the floor with the botttle of scotch. He flips through the Captain Astro comic he gave Mike, and as the camera pulls away across the floor, we see these big mural-size pictures stuck to the wall for the party: Mike at different ages, Mike and Brian together and laughing, Mike and Brian, Brian and Mike, as David Bowie's When you're a Boy plays in the background.
Well. The rest of the season should be interesting. No, I'm not being sarcastic!
Next week on Queer as Folk: Emmett repeats that he made a promise to God never to sleep with another man. Some guy hands Emmett a pamphlet for a "Queer No More!" group, which is about as lame and self-defeating as you can imagine it is. Back at the Happy Fun House, Brian's Lesbians are beginning to snipe at each other. Daphne asks if Mike and Brian really aren't going to be friends anymore, and Justin says it certainly looks that way. The "Queer No More!" Group leader, who couldn't be more of a homosexual if he tried, stands next to his unbelievably lesbian wife and declares that change is possible. Emmett snerks, "I'd start with those shoes." Group Leader continues, "Maybe you should ask yourselves: Is this the life God wants for me?" Emmett looks away. Lindsay tells Melanie that she expects too much: "Nothing's ever enough. And I'm starting to wonder if anything ever could be." This from the woman who's living off of her? Hello, kettle? It's the pot. You're black.