A bit further off, Brian puts on his coat and tells Justin and Mike that he's leaving. Justin asks where he's going, and Brian replies, "Home to say my prayers." Shyeah, I'd love to hear that conversation with God. Brian asks Mike why he's not home with his Master, and Mike replies that the Demon is at a business dinner. Justin tells Brian to hang on and that he'll come with him, but Brian's like, nope, not tonight, babe, and walks off before Justin can say another word. Burn! Justin asks Mike where Brian's going, and Mike just smirks.
The Bathhouse. Brian walks in, past a porn movie showing two men making out in a pool. And I'm warning you: this is the longest gratuitous sex scene in the history of the world, and at some point, I'm going to lose it. So, Brian's in a towel, walking down a dark hallway, past other men in towels walking down the dark hallway. One of them grabs Brian's crotch, and Brian pauses. They size each other up and decide to move on. Right. Brian takes a peek into the rooms along the hallway. There's a couple getting it on. There's another guy just hanging out naked on a cot. Because we're in a bathhouse. There's another guy wiping himself off with a towel. There's another guy taking his towel off as yet another guy watches. Lots of options at the baths. Got it. Brian keeps moving, and wow, the people on the boards were right: he is developing a little bit of a gut. Looks like someone needs to start doing crunches. An overweight guy walking out of one of the rooms calls out Brian's name. The guy's name is Marty. Marty asks Brian, "So, what are you doing here in the Ninth Circle of Hell?" Brian smirks, "I was reading Gorky and got a taste for the lower depths." Is there a double meaning in that? Whatever. Marty's head swivels back and forth, watching the talent go by, and um, ew, fondling himself underneath the towel -- oh, ewwww -- asks Brian if he's seen anything "interesting." Brian replies, "A tall redhead in 27 with a black leather dildo." Marty sighs, "Oh, yeah, him. He's definitely a possibility for later." Gross. I get it, okay. This is a segment of gay life, or whatever, and these places exist, okay, fine, but you know, there has to be a better way. This is just icky. And it's making me feel really sorry for Brian for being so pathetic -- and, like...I'm sorry, desperate. Although it does make me wonder how come Ted doesn't hang out here more often. Has to be a better way, people. Sorry for the judgment. Anyway, Brian replies that, other than the redhead, "It's all markdowns." He manages not to look pointedly at Marty as he says it. Nice of him. Gross. Marty offers to "help out" if Brian finds someone he likes. If you want to know exactly what Marty said, go back and rerun the tape yourself, because Patience just ran out for another six-pack of cider and some Chinese food.