Pan to Ted who slowly opens his eyes, and slowly looks over to the next bed. He closes his eyes and sighs. "Jesus," he mutters. I fall off the couch laughing.
Debbie's house. Mike's shown up, and boy, is he pissed. This is my house, blah, blah, blah, go home, you little brat. Justin, stuffing his face, says he can't, his mom knows. Attention Justin: THIS IS A GOOD THING. GO HOME. Debbie tries to point this out to him, offering to take Mrs. Taylor to her P-FLAG meetings: "I'll get her a t-shirt and a button." Oh, my god, there is a dress requirement! RUN! Mike's like, Ma! Debbie retorts, "I'm proud to have a gay son!" Mike and the rest of the universe: "We KNOW!" Debbie adds that she's proud to have a gay brother, too. Vic, who's taking his pills, grins. Debbie: "I've always said it isn't who you love, but how you love. Genitalia is only God's way of accessorizing." Obee-kaybe. Vic cracks up. Mike says, "This is not about you and the Gay Mother of the Year Award, this is about Brian's one-night stand." Justin snidely informs him it wasn't just once. Mike's like, whatever, get out of my house: "Who here even cares?" Vic: "I do." Me, too, but only because I have to. Justin, lying through his food-filled little teeth, shoots back, "My dad threatened to disown me! He called me a Big Queer!" Vic, in a tone more gossipy than concerned, frankly: "He didn't hit you, did he?" No, but I'll bet you he's been sorely tempted a time or two. Justin says that's why he has to see Brian: "He'll let me stay with him." Mike laughs in his face. Justin, panicking, "Well, then I'll go to New York! I'll become a hustler, and I'll sell my body to gross old homos!" This boy doesn't need food, he needs a Valium. And to burn his copy of Less than Zero. NOW. Vic: "I'll give you twenty bucks." Debbie swats him on the shoulder. Vic frowns, "It'll save him the train fare!" Hah! Justin claims he's going to throw up. Debbie directs him to the "upstairs bathroom, the one for guests and drama queens." Word. Justin flees up the stairs. Mike and Vic bust up. Debbie tells him it's not a joke: "Gay teens have a very high suicide rate." All together with Mike, now: "Unfortunately, not this one." Debbie hits him, but she can't reach MEEE! Mike calls Brian on his cell.