Down in the kitchen, Debbie's decided that she and Mike are taking Justin home. Mike doesn't want to go. Debbie points out that it's better him than Brian. Word. Vic adds, "And I can't go -- it'll look too much like Fagin and Oliver Twist." Yeah, pretty much. Brian and Justin come back to the kitchen. Debbie tells him she's calling his mother and taking him home. Justin says he's not going. Debbie sticks her finger in his face: "You get my tits in a knot, sunshine, and you're going to be in deep shit." In other words, Justin's going. Justin sulks down into a chair. Brian snickers. Michael glares at him. Brian, amazingly, looks -- wait, let me get my heart medication -- Brian actually looks guilty! Mike tells Debbie that he needs to speak to Brian before they leave. And this is exactly what he says: "You can fuck him at your place, you can fuck him at the gym, you can fuck him at the zoo. But not in my mother's house. In my room!" Mikey gets his balls back! Woohoo! I knew he could do it. Yay! Brian is shocked. Suck it up, sweetheart. Mike says he's going with his mother, and then he's going to the hospital: "You can do whatever the fuck you want!" Go, Mikey, go Mikey, it's your birthday, Go Mikey!
Mike's driving, and Debbie's babbling about how people become gay. Mikey's scowling. Justin's smirking at him in the mirror. I wonder if Mikey wants to smack him around as much as I do. Doubt it. Debbie: "Now, they say you can tell by the length of your index fingers. Although all Mike's fingers are the same length -- he should have three kids and a beer belly by now." Yeah, yeah, we know, Hal Sparks isn't really gay. We get it. Mike tells Debbie to knock it off. Justin's all pleased with himself for getting Brian to fuck him again. The kid will never learn.
Justin's house. Debbie pushes the doorbell, which plays a whole first bar of some song or another. Debbie's impressed: "Not like the old buzzer at our house, huh?" Because they're on the right side of the tracks, now. Justin's mom opens the door, and she's never looked more like Martha Stewart, up to and including the "who the hell are you?" look on her face. Like, the circus hasn't just come to town, but is going door-to-door to remind you. Debbie nervously tells her that she has "real nice chimes. You have a real nice place here." Just as Mrs. Taylor says thanks, Justin bursts out from behind Mike and Debbie, and, adjusting his Junior Drama Queen of America sash, stalks past his mom, glaring at her briefly -- because this is all her fault, right? -- and up to his room. His mom, as he's rushing rudely past her, tries to hug him, or stop him, or something. Ouch. This ep is doing nothing but tugging at my little heartstrings, isn't it? Debbie: "Rude little shit, isn't he?" There is that. Mrs. Taylor is trying not to cry. Debbie introduces herself and Mike. Mrs. Taylor looks at Mike for a second and then shakes Debbie's hand. She's Jennifer Taylor. Wow, how WASPy. Inside the house, an older male voice asks who's at the door. Jennifer Taylor, holding the pieces of her life together, answers that it's "no one." YO, didn't Mr. Taylor notice his kid's missing? Mike flinches at her words. Debbie nods, understanding. Debbie tells her if she ever needs to talk to someone, she works at the Liberty Diner. Jennifer looks at her like it's a stretch she's even talking to Debbie outside her doorway. Debbie says that she knows what Jennifer's going through: "Heck, I always knew about Michael. In fact I told him, right? To spare him the pain of having to tell me." And the mallet rears its ugly head, once again. Debbie finishes, "Don't ask 'are you'? Because it's never a question. Just say, 'I know.'" Another Emmy-worthy moment. Stiffly, Mrs. Taylor thanks them, gestures inside, and goes in and closes the door without saying goodbye.