Walking down the driveway, Mike gripes at Debbie about talking too much. Debbie says that she was trying to help. Mike shoots back, "You try too much." Mike's obviously embarrassed about their relative poverty: "You're still wearing that old coat," he tells her. She replies, "Someday you'll buy me a mink coat. Someday you're going to be a big success." Mike scoffs: "Yeah, right, you'll freeze to death first." Debbie smacks him right upside the head. Mike's like, what the hell? Debbie tells him that he can be a total asshole. And a whiny one at that. Debbie: "You don't know yourself. 'Know thyself'! Some Greek said that. Who was it?" Mike: "Zorba?" EHHHH! Thanks for playing, Mikey, but it was Socrates. I think. Unless it was Emerson. Ah, geez, now I'm going to have to look it up.
Ted's hospital room. Ted's up, and packing! Yay! His mom asks him cautiously, "Are you sure I can't help?" Ted says he's got it, and that he's already asked the boys to drive him home. He and his Mom are fairly uncomfortable with each other, but oddly affectionate. Mrs. Schmidt recites their names, much to Ted's surprise; she met them while he was "sleeping." She says that they're very nice, especially Michael. Oooooh! Ted replies, "Yeah, Michael is...especially special." His mother asks if there's anything going on there, and Ted confirms that they are just friends. Ted's mom says Michael was very kind to her: "You're lucky to have him." Ted says that he knows. Ted's mom: "Because more than anything, I worry that you're alone. And that there's no one to look after you." Ted says he can take care of himself, and his Mom knows that he's always been very independent. She "just wish[es] [he] had someone to love [him]. Because maybe if [he] did, this wouldn't have happened." My Kleenex box is entirely too far from the couch. She apologizes: "But I can't help thinking, if you hadn't woken up, then I would never have gotten the chance to let you know how proud I am that you're my son." Awww! No more making Camper cry! I've shed enough tears this week, trust me. She says that it doesn't matter that he's gay, because she got over that a long time ago. "Whenever you're feeling alone, or that no one loves you, it's not true. Because I do." Ted thanks her, stiffly, obviously not knowing what to do with that information, even though he's deeply touched by it. Both actors were excellent in that scene. And they're making me miss my mommy.