Queer as Folk U.S.
The Art Of Desperation

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Nobody Loves Brian...

Liberty Avenue, daytime. Justin and Daphne troll a street market. Looking at bracelets, Daphne asks Justin if his Mom knows he's out buying jewelry. This is supposed to shock her? Not specifically, no, but Justin says that she's cool with everything: "Or maybe she's afraid I'm going to run away and become a hairdresser." Probably wouldn't have to leave the city for that, but hey, what makes you happy makes me happy. Daphne: "I hate you. My mom's such a bitch, and I haven't even given her a reason, yet." You mean, besides lying continuously to Justin's mother about his being at your place, staying out all hours with Justin a couple of episodes back, and driving the family car willy-nilly to do Justin's bidding? You're right, what the hell is her damage? Justin holds out a couple of bracelets for Daphne to inspect, and she shakes her pretty head and frowns, "They're totally queer." I smack my head in frustration as Justin tells her to shut up: "They're a symbol of our friendship." He forces one onto her wrist; she half-heartedly thanks him, and he tells her that she's going to have to pay for them because he doesn't have any cash. While Daphne's hauling out her wallet -- she should have at least insisted on nicer bracelets first -- Justin spots Melanie and Lindsay across the street. He points them out to Daphne, saying, "Look, that's them! Brian's Lesbians!" Hahahahahahaahahah! I am SOOO calling them that from now on! Justin runs across the street to say hi. He has to remind them that he was at the hospital when Gus was born, and, in fact, was the one who named him. Melanie replies, "Oh, right. So, when Gus ends up pumping gas, we'll have you to thank." Not that she's still bitter or anything. Justin comments that the baby's so big already, and Melanie says that Justin would be too, if all he did was sleep and eat all day. Daphne snorts, "He does." Justin ignores the catty comment, and offers to babysit if Brian's Lesbians ever need anyone. Out of the goodness of his heart, of course. Brian's Lesbians are delighted. Then he offers to help them carry stuff to the car. "Wow," Melanie replies, "You're good for a thousand and one uses." Yeah, as long as they all lead him back to Brian. Justin follows Brian's Lesbians to the car, leaving Daphne calling after him in the middle of the street, wearing an ugly bracelet she had to pay for. Justin barely even says goodbye to her. Daphne, I bet if you ask nicely, your Mom might even forbid you to ever see him again. It's certainly worth a shot.

Emmett and Ted at Torso. At least, I think it's Torso. Emmett's pulling clothes out of a box, so it could be a thrift shop, or something. So, Emmett and Ted at an undefined store. Ted: "I'm out." Emmett: "At work? Fabulous." Ted meant he's out of "the scene": "I made up my mind -- no more bars, no more baths, you'll never see my face at Babylon again." Emmett pshaws him, "You can't let one drug-induced coma get you down." Now that's what I call optimism. Emmett holds up a t-shirt, and asks Ted what he thinks. All I can see, since Emmett's sitting on the floor, is the top of the shirt, which has "BOYSBOYSBOYS" printed across it. Ted tells him it looks unbelievably trashy. SOLD! Ted, being all philosophical again, snaps, "Everything we do, including what we wear, is in a conscious -- or, worse yet, unconscious -- attempt to get laid." And your point is? Emmett agrees that "there is an overemphasis on sex. But why not just buy two sizes too small and go with it?" Exactly. That works for girls as well as boys by the way. It's in the GM/SGWC Charter. Ted retorts that not everyone was born to wear lycra, which is sad but true, but since tight tops emphasize whatever it is you've got, I'm still with Emmett. Emmett hands him the classifieds section, conveniently next to them, and tells Ted to look at the personals: "Maybe you'll find someone to not go out with." Can't he just do that if he stays at home? Ted's attention is caught by the following ad: "Date Bait: Meet other single gay men in a civilized evening of conversation. No pick-ups, no face-to-face rejection." Ted says that they have an over-thirty night, and Emmett snorts, "Where, the morgue?" Frown. Ted says just for that, Emmett's going with him. Emmett snipes that he is not over thirty. Should have kept your mouth shut, then.

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Queer as Folk U.S.




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