Queer as Folk U.S.
The Art Of Desperation

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Nobody Loves Brian...

Brian appears, wearing a blood-red shirt. Because he's The Devil. He sees the new couple and promptly plops into Mike's lap, demanding to know where he's been. Mike sheepishly introduces Brian to Dave, and Brian replies, "Fuck me. The new beau!" Like he didn't notice him sitting there. Dr. Dave, uncomfortably, tells Brian that he's heard a lot about him. Brian says he's heard a lot about Dr. Dave, too: "What was it? Sixteen right, eleven left?" Cringe. Mike asks Brian if he's on something, and it happens to be GHB, the same drug that put Ted in a coma. Wheee! Mike tells Brian that he's going to get dehydrated, and gets up to get Brian some water and Dr. Dave a beer. Brian sits down in the booth across from Dr. Dave. Let the Games Beginnnnn! Dr. Dave: "You've got him well-trained." Brian: "He takes care of me, and I take care of him. So, Doc, do you fuck all of your patients?" Dr. Dave: "Well, if you're referring to Michael, I released him from my care. Before we went out together. What about you? What do you do?" Brian: "Advertising." Dr. Dave: "Well, you must know a thing or two about screwing people yourself." Brian: "Yeah, I can do it in my sleep." Which might explain why he doesn't remember anyone's name when he wakes up. Brian tells Dr. Dave that he and Mike usually meet men together. Dr. Dave replies, "And they usually end up with you." Brian: "The lucky ones." Dr. Dave: "Debatable." Bastard stole my line. Damn. Look on Brian's face was worth it, though. Mike returns at that moment, asking what he missed. Brian just takes his beer and stalks away.

Ted's place. He and Roger are playing "Name that Aria." They are both delighted by the other's knowledge of opera. Ted confides, hand on Roger's arm, that as a kid, he used to pretend to be sick so he could skip little league and listen to the radio broadcasts from the Met Opera. Roger says he used to do the exact same thing. They share a moment, and then Roger kisses Ted's hand, asking if it's allowed. Ted says yes, but he's not quite "ready"yet. But he will be soon: "I have a feeling that it's going to be great." He and Roger toast to their future sexual coupling.

Mike and Dave walk out of Woody's. Mike thinks Dave had a horrible time; Dave says that it's fun to go out every once in a while, but what's the attraction? He's standing in front of a big picture of a guy's well-toned, naked chest when he says it, so, you know, HELLO. Mike laughs, "Are you calling me a scene queen?" Dave lovingly puts him in a chokehold. Mike replies that if you don't go out, you don't meet people, Dave notwithstanding. Plus, he likes hanging out with his friends, which is an opening for Dave to drop the bomb on Mike: Brian tried to hit on him. He did? I thought Brian was just being a bitch. Mike is also skeptical, but SoNotGay says he knows when he's being hit on. Mike replies that Brian's "always like that. Besides, he was high." Dave's just sayin'. Mike says Brian woudn't, Dave says he did. Mike grabs Dave and says, "Well, he can't have you. You're mine." And now we've got two straight guys kissing in the middle of the street. Lord help me. As they break away, Dave shakes his head and whistles, "Whoo!" and strides away. Okay, that was pretty funny.

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Queer as Folk U.S.

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