Another bar. Ted's whining to Brian that everybody has someone except Ted. Brian says that Ted doesn't have a boyfriend because he doesn't want one. Brian's just now taking the cigarette from behind his ear. Wow, when did Brian get so many chins? Brian says that Ted wants to be a worthless sack of shit that nobody wants, so he goes out with guys who will reject him so that he can get what he wants, which is nothing. Ted pouts into his drink and thanks Brian for the free therapy. Michael storms in and whines that his mother hit him. Ted says she's always hitting him. Brian says it's how she shows her love. Michael says she really hit him this time. He says he doesn't want to talk about it. Ted counts to three and points to Michael, who spills that he told his mother she was pathetic for dating a fag-hater. Ted says they might have to take her honorary queer button away. Michael moans that his mother has lost her values and principles. Brian says that when you want cock, they're the first things to go. They decide to blow the joint. Why can't Brian light that fucking cigarette?

Mikey's driving the drunk tank. Brian's still teasing Michael about his mother. Michael tells Brian to shut up. Brian wonders if Debbie and the cop did it. Ted turns on some loud music as Michael starts speeding. Brian says that Michael's jealous of the new big dick in Debbie's life, because Michael's not her little special guy anymore. Ted tells Brian to shut up. Police sirens. Michael has to pull over, since he was speeding. Ted asks Brian if he has anything on him. Brian says he's got sixteen pounds of cocaine and twenty-four ounces of heroin. It's not really that stupid a question, Brian. Ted turns off the music as Michael finally pulls over. The cop walks up to the car and knocks on the window. Michael rolls down the window and hands the cop his license and registration. The cop asks if Michael's the owner of the car. Michael points at drunk Brian. The cop asks if Michael is aware that he was speeding. Michael starts mouthing off and says that must be why it felt he was going so fast. Ted tells Michael to shut up. The cop tells Michael he was doing sixty in a thirty MPH zone. Michael congratulates the cop on his math skills, and offers to give him a jelly donut. He asks why the cop isn't doing something useful, like arresting a murderer. The cop asks if Michael has a problem with cops. Brian says he's only got a problem with the ones who fuck his mother. Michael tells the cop to give him the damn ticket as Ted moans that they're going to get arrested. The cop tells Michael to get out of the car. Michael asks if he's going to get worked over. Ted moans that they're going to have to go to jail. The cop tells Brian and Ted to get out of the car as well. Drunk Brian flops out of the car holding a bottle of booze, saying he'd be more than happy to drive everyone home.