Emmett holds up a product that's not called Dramamine because it would have cost too much money to get Dramamine to have a product placement. And that's what Michael gives Emmett for a going-away present? Cheap bastard. Where's Ben? Ted says that'll "take care of the sex." I don't get it.
Brian offers once again to give Justin the money he needs for school so that he doesn't have to be a cokehead whore stripper. Justin will hear none of it, since he wants to be a cokehead whore exotic entertainer. Justin reminds Brian that he doesn't want Brian's handouts. Do I get to make the handjob joke again if they keep repeating dialogue? For the third episode in a row, Brian calls Justin a "twat." Justin says he's trying to look out for himself. Off-camera, Emmett beams that he got a dictionary of foreign phrases. Ted shouts that now Emmett can learn how to say "fuck me faster" in Farsi. Justin says that Brian always told him to be the best homosexual he could possibly be, so now he's trying to take care of himself and be a man. Brian says that sometimes a man has to learn to accept help. Justin has no answer for that other than tasting his lips.
Emmett opens a box from Ted. It's supposed to contain sexy underwear. It's empty. Man, that Ted's a cheap bastard. Ted counts to a million before he delivers the unfunny, redundant "exactly." Everyone forcedly laughs harder. Ted and Emmett clutch and hug for a long time. Then they tackle each other onto the come bed.
Vic's reading the Personals section of the newspaper. Debbie says the one he's reading aloud sounds perfect for him. Until he reads the "HIV-negative only need apply." Debbie tells him that he'll find the right guy someday. Vic says that, at his age, it'd better be someday soon. Debbie tells him to shut up with the death talk. She points out that Emmett and Pickle are happy, so age doesn't dictate love. "So what's your excuse?" Vic asks. Ow. What's your damage, Vic? Debbie brags that she doesn't need an excuse, since someone asked her out today. Vic says, "You live with fags. You work with fags. You haven't seen a straight man in years." Debbie says that Detective Dumpster is a straight man. Vic can't believe that's the guy who asked her out. He takes a strange pause to walk up beside her and ask if she accepted the offer. She tells Vic that Detective Dumpster is not her type. "He's alive and he's got a dick. What more do you need?" Vic asks. Debbie says she'd like someone who's not a homophobe. Vic says just saying a couple of jokes about people being gay doesn't mean he's "a fag-hater." He just needs "enlightening." Debbie tells Vic to go out with him, but Vic says Debbie's more his type. He asks her how long it's been since she's been on a date. "How the fuck do I know?" she snaps. "1992," she adds. Vic jokes that it must be so rusty it squeaks. Ah, family discussions. Debbie says she was busy taking care of Vic. "So, what's your excuse now?" he asks. She says she already turned down Detective Dumpster. Vic reminds Debbie that she's a woman and that women are allowed to change their minds. Good, because I've been rethinking recapping this show. Vic hands Debbie the phone and over-emphatically says, "Just say yes!" Debbie stares at the phone as we listen to the dial tone. If you'd like to speed this up, please hang up and try your call again.